When people learn I’m an erotic romance author, I’m not surprised when they ask, “Have you done all the types of sex scenes in your books?” I’ve gotten that question a lot and usually answer with a wink and something like: “Pretty much. I especially liked the space travel to another planet and the ménage with the shapeshifting dragon. That was really hot!”
What does surprise me is when people ask me for advice about their love life and sex live. Really, you’d be surprised both men and women ask me. As if writing kinky romances gives me the expertise of a therapist. Ah, no, it doesn’t, but I’m flattered that they feel comfortable enough to ask. I started wondering what types of sex scenes do my readers like the best in my books. I write lighter sex scenes, (straight, ménage, BDSM, etc.), and a few more intense or edgier scenes.
Recently, I gave a free copy of Steel Reflections, a BDSM short story, to my newsletter subscribers. I later poled them and asked if they prefer the lighter BDSM story or the more hardcore story. I was surprised by their answers, and I received quite a number of responses.
The vast majority said they enjoy both light and hardcore BDSM, as long as there’s a good emotional connection and love story. Some like it on the lighter side and others the edgier the better. One sweet lady even emailed me after reading the story and said she didn’t realize I wrote such kinky stories. Nothing wrong with that, she said, but it wasn’t her taste. She wished me the best with my writing, but wanted to let me know since she prefers the sweet romances, she would be unsubscribing. Some readers even shared the particular lifestyle they live in their own personal lives. From please don’t tell my husband I read these books, with a smile icon, to a reader who lives the BDSM lifestyle 24/7. I love the openness about sex talk.
Sex is fun, a wonderful life experience and expression of love. I believe with a little imagination, or research, you can always turn your love life up a notch, and heat up the romance. Here are a few suggestions to get you started. At the end, I’ll tell you where you can find more ideas if you like. My number one tip before reading any of these would be communication. Talk to your partner about your fantasies, concerns and desires.
7 Sexy Romantic Tips:
- Read romance books, the hotter the better. Of course an erotic romance author has to suggest this. Great sex needs two things: intimacy and some imagination. Well maybe it’s not quite that simple, but if you’re lacking in imagination, read the hottest scenes from a romance novel for a few ideas. Read it to your lover, or ask him/her to read a passage. Then act it out.
- Some lovers are turned on by visuals. Give an adult movie a try to add sizzle to date night. If soft porn is out of your comfort zone, try a few sexy/romantic ones: Bitter Moon, 9 1/2 Weeks, 50 Shades of Grey, The Dreamers, Last Tango in Paris, Unbearable Lightness of Being, Deception. Just to get you started.
- Might have to be careful about where and when, and of course never sext and drive! And always, always double check who will be receiving your sexy text BEFORE hitting SEND! A surprise naughty text or email can heat things up for what will come later.
- Change up the routine. Try having sex at a different time, morning, afternoon, middle of the night…And different local, the den, the shower, kitchen, maybe even outside during a mountain hike?? A midnight swim?? How daring do you want to be?
- Shop together at an adult store for a new toy. Sometimes it’s all about the O. Too shy to walk into a store? There are plenty of places online. Lelo is one such adult online shop to check out.
- Want to heat up your love life and relieve stress? Eliminate distractions. Turn off the TV, silence the phone, shut down the computer, and turn the clock around so you aren’t thinking about what you should be doing, or will be doing after. Focus on the moment, your partner and each other’s pleasure.
- And sometimes it’s not always about the big O. Enjoy the pleasure of exploring each other’s body, touching, sensual massage, talking about fantasies and desires. It may lead to hot, orgasmic sex, or the stress relief may leave you satisfied and draw you into an comfortable, naked embrace and restful sleep.
Want more ideas? In Kathy’s monthly newsletter, Kathy’s Hot News, she has the Sexy Tips and Steamy Romance Column for subscribers, and a monthly drawing for a gift card. Sign up and also receive a Free copy of STEEL REFLECTIONS Click HERE to sign up
Kathy Kulig is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of erotic romance. She writes erotic contemporary, paranormal and suspense. Her latest book, Secret Escort, is available on Amazon now. It’s book 2 in her Sins of Odyssey series. Mariko’s kinky fantasy comes true with two hot strangers. A chance for a one-night-stand at a billionaire’s home maybe what she needs, what they all need, to satisfy extreme tastes and bone-deep passions, but what happens when past regrets and love gets in the way?