Inspiration

Okay. Enough gushing. Onto inspiration.

Inspiration, or better known as how I (the novelist) come up with my story ideas, is different for each writer. I know some folks who get inspired by a dream or a smell or a color in a sunrise. I’m not that abstract. I need an actual person, place or thing to kick start my muse. For example, the heroine in my erotic novella, On the Corner of Heartache and Hopeful—MIC was based on/inspired by an actual female mechanic who helped me once when I’d stupidly locked my keys in my car. Another example would be my best-selling contemporary romance, Battle-Born Love, which was inspired by a now defunct repo business called Accounts Retrievable.

And then there’s my upcoming release, Erotic Escapades of a Married Couple. This novella was inspired pretty much lock, stock and barrel by a girlfriend, PJ (neither her name nor her initials). PJ confided to me that she had a fantasy of going into a Jiffy Lube or Pep Boys or some similar garage and allowing the guys to—ahem—“have their way” with her. Well…Linda the friend was pretty shocked while Lynda the writer was seriously inspired.    And thus, Erotic Escapades was born.

Of course I took several creative licenses, including the introduction of a gay/bi-sexual friend who becomes…more. I also pushed my comfort zone for Erotic Escapades by writing m/m sex for the first time. Here’s the blurb and excerpt:

Being a settled, married couple doesn’t have to be boring…

Griffin Jensen has it all. He owns a successful advertising agency, has a great kid, beautiful home and the hottest wife known to man. He and Deana make it their mission to fulfill each other’s every erotic fantasy. So why does he feel like something is missing?

Deana Jensen has been head over heels in love with her husband since they first dated in college. Back then, Grif was a player—with both sexes. Deana never considered his bisexual past a threat, but after twelve years of marriage, she fears she’s no longer enough for him. She’ll do whatever it takes to satisfy her husband, but can she share him with another man?

Vance Korbett swore off women years ago when his fiancée left him at the altar. Now he finds “love” in the arms of different men. It’s simple and easy. Eat. Sleep. Screw. Nothing could be better—other than the marital bliss he sees with his best friends, Deana and Grif. Too bad three’s a crowd. Or is it?

Erotic Escapades of a Married Couple is a hot, sexy novella which includes explicit sex, group sex and M/M sex.

 NOTE: THIS EXCERPT IS FOR MATURE READERS ONLY!!

Grif merged his Porsche into oncoming traffic on the expressway. The Thursday morning work commute was light, probably because it was still before six a.m. He glanced at his passenger.

Deana sat, her hands folded primly in her lap and a blindfold over her eyes. Dressed in a simple zip-up navy jogging hoodie and matching fleece pants, electrified tension radiated off her in waves. “So, where are we going?”

The breathy quality of her voice smacked him square in the balls. It was the same tone she used when nearing a climax and she urged him to go faster. To fuck her harder. He squirmed in his seat as his semi-erect dick got firmer. “Wait and see, birthday girl.” Read the rest of this entry »

Rights and Responsibilities of Citizenship (Tags: Voting, Volunteering, Vermont Escape, Writing Letters, Participation)

Thank you for having me today, Delilah. I think this will be fun, but this will be a little different from most of the posts on your blog. It is about writing but only in a peripheral way. I love blogging. Probably more than any other social media, and that would be because I’m fairly long-winded. The subject also relates to my first release VERMONT ESCAPE. (See below for cover)

How many of you have ever written a letter to the editor or one to your Congress person or state representative or assembly person? (In Vermont, the state legislature is called the assembly. I researched that for my July release.) How about to your school board representative. Do you know who that person is?

I see you squirming out there. Stomach heaving, finger itching to push delete because you think I’m going to go all politics on you. No, no, no. I’ve heard the rules that include don’t talk religion or politics on social media, because you run the chance of alienating ½ your readers. I am a rule follower.  😆 But I’ve always been an involved citizen.

Got it from my mother, an awesome Civil Service executive secretary for colonels and generals. My father was in the Air Force, and we moved around a lot. Folks in the military couldn’t get involved in politics openly. Makes sense in a way. The President is the commander-in-chief. Not good to attack the boss. 🙂

Well, back to my mother. After my father retired, Mom picked up her pen (typewriter/computer) and sent off reams of letters to politicians of all walks and in all positions. This was back in the day, when letters were on paper and mailed. To their credit, she heard back from most of them.

Mom was my role model, a genteel southern lady, who had strong opinions and wasn’t afraid of stating them. That’s what I’ve become. (Not the southern lady part). LOL

I started by working in all my daughters’ school PTAs, and boy did I learn leadership skills there. Ultimately, I ran for a seat on our school board. Lost the first time (not at all fun), but ran twice more and was elected both times, serving for a total of 8 years. The learning curve was huge, and I loved the experience.

For me the hardest thing was talking to a reporter. Oh, I could talk all day into a mike, but getting the content down to fit the 15 -20 seconds that would show up on TV? That was tough. You won’t be surprised to learn it’s a challenge for me to break down a 90-K book into a log line. LOL

You’re thinking I’ve wondered all around several topics, aren’t you? Well, only sort of. You see, we held elections all across the country this past March, April, and May in small towns to sprawling urban communities for everything from mayor to dog-catcher and everything in between. Run-offs usually fall in the month of June. On July 4th, we celebrate among other things our freedom to vote. I’m a fairly patriotic person. (Not surprisingly, you can find a scene in VERMONT ESCAPE, where Jill celebrates the Fourth with her new friends and contrasts the weather in Vermont with that in Texas. Big difference.  😯 )

I encourage you to take note of who is running for various positions in your own community. Many of those elections are held in the fall. Others are in the spring as I mentioned above. Find out when you hold elections in your area. Find someone who believes the way you do and stands for the things you do. Then give money to their campaign, volunteer, and vote.

If you’re afraid of getting embroiled in party politics, you can probably avoid that. More than likely you’ll find positions that are non-partisan. (In my town, our school board, city council, and mayor are non-partisan elections.)

If you decide to go with one of the political parties, good for you. Just please don’t post ugly things about the other side on my Facebook page. 😕

We are fortunate in our country to make changes in our political system in a peaceful manner. In some countries, when people speak out they face bullets. It’s your turn now. Have you ever worked in anyone’s campaign? What compelled you to do that? Was it a partisan race? Have you ever run for a position? How did that turn out? How do you educate yourself about candidates and their positions? Even if you’ve never gotten behind a candidate or platform, are you registered to vote? Do you feel like you just don’t have time?

Remember the young girl in Pakistan who was shot because she wanted to make sure girls in her country got an education? We should get involved in her honor.

My first book, VERMONT ESCAPE, releases July 15 by MuseItUp Publishing and will be available at all e-book venues.

After the murders of her husband and then father, Jill Barlow flees to Vermont, but the Texas gambling syndicate believes she’s hiding damning evidence. To get it, they’ll kill again.

Excerpt:

Jill Barlow reached for her make-up kit and brushed against the one thing she’d been doing her damnedest to avoid. Her heart rate tripped into overtime.

It was the package she received days after her dad was murdered. That was one month ago, but she couldn’t face opening a reminder of the nightmare.

Pictures of her vigorous father mixed with recent images of his closed casket. Nausea hit. Again. Damn. Why would someone blow off her father’s head ? She hadn’t stayed to find out. She’d run.

I blog every Thursday. You can find me at my website. And follow me at Facebook and Twitter. I’d love to hear from you. And thanks again, Delilah.

Pictures of your art/craft treasures will be posted on Friday! Thanks to everyone who participated!

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Wisdom from the Kama Sutra

Everyone knows that the Kama Sutra is a sex manual, but did you also know that it’s an ancient etiquette manual, as well?

When I was writing How To Woo… A Reluctant Bride, I did some research and discovered that The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana is almost 2,000 years old. Written in Sanskrit, it wasn’t translated into English until 1883 by the famous explorer, Sir Richard Burton. The book was privately and quietly published, no doubt shipped in plain brown paper.

Once I’d decided to set a story in 1885, I found a copy of his translation and started reading. It’s a fascinating mix of sexual instruction and advice on courtship, combined with superstitions of the period in which it was written. In addition to listing various sexual positions, some with quaint names such as “splitting of a bamboo” and “fixing of a nail”, it also covers biting, scratching and striking, as well as “mouth congress”, i.e. oral sex, and threesomes.

Hindu society of the time was patriarchal and some of the advice is ridiculous by today’s standards. People also married very young at the time, so I suppose it’s no wonder that the advice for how the woman should behave sounds very juvenile by today’s standards. In one section, Vatsyayana, who was a monk, actually recommends kidnapping the prospective bride if all else fails! Something my civilized English hero would never do. Still, some of the courtship advice is timeless, and shows a basic understanding of the differences between men and women.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

“Women, being of tender nature, want tender beginnings.”

“At the first time of sexual union the passion of the male is intense, and his time is short, but in subsequent unions on the same day the reverse of this is the case. With the female however it is the contrary, for at the first time her passion is weak, and then her time is long, but on subsequent occasions on the same day, her passion is intense and her time short, until her passion is satisfied.”

“… the man should do whatever the girl takes most delight in, and he should get for her whatever she may have a desire to possess.”

“Says Ghotakamukha, Though a man loves a girl ever so much, he never succeeds in winning her without a great deal of talking.”

“In Gramaneri many young men enjoy a woman that may be married to one of them, either one after the other or at the same time.  Thus one of them holds her, another enjoys her. . . and in this they go on enjoying her several parts alternatively.”

The same things can be done when several men are sitting in company with one courtesan, or when one courtesan is alone with many men. In the same way this can be done by the women of the King’s harem when they accidentally get hold of a man.”

Makes you wonder how often the women of the harem “accidentally” got hold of a man! And where they found him, in the first place. This quote may have been the inspiration for the Victorian erotic novel Three Nights in a Moorish Harem, by the prolific author Anonymous.

Even though he was a monk, Vatsyayana had a romantic streak: “If men and women act according to each other’s liking, their love for each other will not be lessened even in one hundred years.”

Last December, I reissued my short story, How To Woo… A Reluctant Bride, in which Victorian sensibilities collide with the sensual wisdom of the Kama Sutra. This was a fun story to write and to research, since I did, indeed, have to read the above-mentioned sex manual. It was the perfect way to spice up an arranged Victorian marriage.

How To Woo… A Reluctant Bride
(Romantic Historical Short Story)
by Lyndi Lamont
Rating: Spicy

A marriage contract, nothing more…until darkly handsome Evan Channing and demure Lydia Blatchford meet. Yet the rules are simple for an arrangement such as theirs. There should be no misunderstanding, no illusions of anything more.

But the rules are about to change when Evan is gifted with an intriguing copy of the Kama Sutra.  He sets out to win his high-born bride, blending seductive heat with exotic lessons in lovemaking. With a little help from Sir Richard Burton’s new, provocative translation of ancient wisdom on seduction and arousal, the cold marriage bed of an arranged union is about to combust into a blazing flame of desire

(Previously published under the title Love… By the Book)

4 Angels…” a scintillating mix of lust and sexual exploration… Ms. Lamont has done a very nice job of bringing a bit of the exotic into her writing.” – Dawnie, Fallen Angel Reviews

Available for 99 cents from:
Amazon, All Romance eBooks, Apple iBooks, Barnes & Noble/Nook, Kobo Books, and Smashwords

Lyndi Lamont is the racy alter ego of romance author Linda McLaughlin. Since becoming Lyndi, she has discovered that writing sexy romance is a license to be naughty, at least between the pages of her books! Lyndi has written numerous short stories and novellas, including male/male erotica.

You can find her online at: http://www.lyndilamont.com/
Blog: Lyndi’s Love Notes: http://www.lyndilamont.com/blog
Twitter: https://twitter.com/LyndiLamont
GoodReads: http://www.goodreads.com/LyndiLamont

Just Don’t Wash Their Socks

My aunt told my girl cousins to date men—let them take you dancing, to dinner, to movies, for midnight strolls. That part, the romantic part, was all good. But don’t marry them and wash their socks.

She and my uncle were married for almost fifty years when he died. They had ups and downs and were oddly suited. He was a dreamer, she was the practical one, but she loved him. Early in their marriage, she’d get up early and make his breakfast—bacon, eggs, biscuits from scratch and home fried potatoes.

She hated making potatoes every morning. He hated eating them. But this went on for years before one of them said something, afraid to hurt the other’s feelings but letting resentment grow and fester. I don’t know which one finally said something first, but they both independently told me that story years later, as a complaint about the other.

He wooed her when they met. He was a wonderful dancer and they went to dinner, dancing, picnics, the beach. Then they got married and the realties hit. Babies, potatoes and washing socks.

She read voraciously, not all romance but some. She was looking for that feeling of youth, that feeling of love. She knew she was loved, he told her often, but she still washed his socks instead of going dancing.

We all want romance, and if it’s not fully attainable, that’s better because it can go into our secret selves. And better yet, we control when it comes out.

Whether it’s sweet romance, historic romance or erotic romance, it’s ours and we imagine it in our own way.

Probably most of us wouldn’t make it living in a drafty stone castle in Scotland’s rainy and cold weather, using privies, never bathing, wearing the same clothes for months on end. But the lure of adventure is strong, and these facts won’t distract from the clash of swords and the sight of strong men running to the battlements. Not to mention running to our bedroom.

No matter where we see ourselves in romances—dusty western towns, Regency England, in the Caribbean with pirates—we have it to ourselves. It’s improbable and impossible, but that’s the appeal.

In my SNAP paranormal romance series, the impossible is a 500-year-old vampire named Jean-Louis. He’s beautiful, he’s cultured, he’s uber-wealthy, he’s brave and he has household staff to wash his socks.

We all need that secret place to go when the realties overwhelm us.

What’s your secret place? And who’s your secret lover?

Michele Drier was born in Santa Cruz and is a fifth generation Californian. She’s lived and worked all over the state, calling both Southern and Northern California home.  During her career in journalism—as a reporter and editor at daily newspapers—she won awards for producing investigative series.

Her mystery Edited for Death, called “Riveting and much recommended” by the Midwest Book Review is on Amazon and the second book in the Amy Hobbes Newspaper mysteries, Labeled for Death, will be published in June.

Her paranormal romance series, SNAP: The Kandesky Vampire Chronicles, is available in ebook, paperback and audible at ebook retailers.  All have received “must read” reviews from the Paranormal Romance Guild. SNAP: The World Unfolds, SNAP: New Talent, Plague: A Love Story and Danube: A Tale of Murder are available singly and in a boxed set at Amazon, B&N and Kobo. The fifth book, SNAP: Love for Blood rated 5 stars, is now out. She’s writing SNAP: Happily Ever After? for release in fall 2013 and a seventh book later in 2013.

Visit her website: http://www.micheledrier.com or Facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/AuthorMicheleDrier or her Amazon author page, http://www.amazon.com/Michele-Drier/e/B005D2YC8G/

I’ve seen a lot of interviewers ask authors how they decide which quirks or kinks their characters will have. The answer differs from author to author, but for me, the characters tell me as I write.

Obviously, it’s all coming out of my brain but it’s not a conscious decision. I sit down, start writing and stuff pours from my brain through my fingertips. Although, most days it’s more like a slow drip than a pour but you get the picture.

I don’t consciously decide, ahead of time, that my characters like to be spanked or like to perform fellatio, etc. I don’t know much of anything until it’s staring at me on the screen.

Sometimes, I say, “Ooh. Awesome.” Other times it’s more like, “Ew. Really?” But whatever. My characters let me know what they want and I usually give it to them.

In Araya’s Addiction, my first erotic paranormal romance, the heroine, Araya, a Sempire demon, wants love and monogamy. Her hero, Kean, has no such notion. In between him being a prisoner and her trying to refuse his advances, they end up experiencing scorching sex and an incredible happily ever after. But, there was one scene in Araya’s Addiction that made me blush. Seriously, I considered cutting it from the story but Kean insisted it stay and I reluctantly agreed.

I’m sure that scene won’t work for everyone but it worked for my characters and was a turning point of sorts. I hope you’ll check out Araya’s Addiction. The series title is still in the works but I have two more stories planned for this universe. One has already been accepted for publication and the other is being considered.

Thanks to Delilah for having me on her blog today! I’m honored.

Title: Araya’s Addiction
Publisher: Ellora’s Cave
Genre: Erotic Paranormal Romance

When Kean wakes up naked, collared and locked in a cell, he knows thinking with his dick has finally gotten him into trouble. Part Incubus, Kean enjoys scorching sexual liaisons, a habit that has found him trapped, forced to help a Sempire rescue her daughter from certain death.

Unwilling to aid in anyone’s imprisonment, Araya initially refuses her mother’s “gift”, but the passion simmering between her and Kean is undeniable. As they explore their shared lust, both Araya and Kean enact schemes to save each other. Their best laid plans may awaken emotions that will bind them forever.

*Note: A Sempire is a female demon who requires semen to survive.

Reviews

Gaele @ The Jeep Diva:

…With several steamy to downright scorching scenes, clever dialogue, humor and the potential for a happy ever after, this was a really fun and clever read. Dex has created a new sexual demon, and made them lovable, if not a bit outrageous in their attitudes and thinking. The desires and emotions of the characters were easy to relate to as the characters were well-defined and voiced, a nice addition to this novella.

Anna @ Book Lovin’ Mamas:

…The chemistry between Araya and Kean was smokin’ hot and they were great individual characters too. And I LOVE the sister and Mom. They were quite entertaining! … Overall this was a great read! Lots of fun and very very sexy! I can’t wait to read something else from this author and I will be impatiently waiting for more! 😉

Geraldine H:

…The story line kept me interested, the description of the characters as well as the scene were so well written, I could picture myself there. I became engrossed in the main characters as well as some of the “supporting” characters. I really didn’t want the story to end. The detail in the sex scenes were incredible! I am anxiously waiting on the next book and hoping it includes more on Araya’s fabulous sister.

Author Bio

Jocelyn was born in Iowa and currently resides in Texas. She shares her home with her very own 6’4″ alpha male and varying numbers of spoiled cats and dogs. Teaching one of her dogs to file his nails is one of her all-time favorite accomplishments. Jocelyn loves to paint, loves to read, and loves to write sizzling erotic romance about yummy demons that would make your momma blush.

Here’s where you can find Jocelyn on the web

Website * Facebook * Twitter * Blog  * Goodreads

Here’s where you can buy Araya’s Addiction

Amazon * Ellora’s Cave * Barnes & Noble * ARe

Does Anyone Here Speak Artani?

How tough is it to come up with an otherworldly language?  For me, it definitely had its challenges when I wrote my book “Star Catcher.”  Authors of sci-fi, or high fantasy that takes place on an alternate Earth, are obligated to dose their writing with a fair amount of made-up language. A book with a non-Earth setting would understandably contain a number of foreign words.  Some words may label objects or creatures that are indigenous to the alien world, while others may be the translations of familiar Earth terms.

Let’s begin with creating the basis for an entire language.  Do you need a dictionary filled with alien words before you start writing?  No, but consistency is the key.  Keep a cheat-sheet of your alien words so you don’t end up changing the spelling of your memory-erasing medicine Tristayl partway through your manuscript.  Spell check won’t help you there.  You also have to be careful about different tenses if you happen to use alien verbs.  I had the darnedest time hammering out that my alien planet was called Artanos, its people were called Artanians, and their language was Artani. I had to check over my finished piece multiple times to make sure I hadn’t flubbed it anywhere.

I recently saw a question posed by a sci-fi author on a group I’m in. She was looking for a good way to come up with alien names after her editor asked her to make some changes. It seemed her aliens sounded…well, too alien.

Too alien? Well, not in the sense that they couldn’t be pronounced—another potential problem—but too cliché-sounding.  Think of Beldar and Prymatt from The Coneheads, and you get my drift.  This author was asking how others come up with their alternate language.

When I began writing “Star Catcher,” I stumbled upon this website (http://www.ralph.nuoj.com/alien.php), which uses a system of vowel and consonant patterns to develop alien names.  I read through, noting the construction of each pattern, saying them out loud, and generally getting a feel for each “type” of name.  It’s almost like each word bank is a key to its own language.  I noticed which ones “felt” right, what common letters and sounds were used, and which were easier to pronounce, and then I started playing around with them.

After you make your decisions, you need to run them by some test readers.  About two-thirds of the words I originally came up with remained after my beta readers looked over my book.  No matter how you formulate your language, if a word causes the reader to stumble, pause, read, and reread each time they see it, it’s no good.  You don’t want to take the reader out of your world and punch them in the face, you just want a gentle reminder that they are in another world or time—preferably an easy-to-read reminder that flows off the tongue.

I consulted a number of real Earth languages while forming my “system.” Did my aliens have a soft, pleasant Romance-based language?  Were they a warring species with a guttural and explosive tongue?  Tweaking other languages, like Spanish or German, is another possibility, especially if the author is already familiar with these.  Why not make your life easier?  And why not make your reader’s life easier?  Odds are they will recognize the meaning of your words if they are similar to something known, even if they are taken out of context.

That brings up my final point about language building: if the word calls to mind, in some way, what it is tagging, that can help the reader carry a mental picture while continuing through the book.  As an example, my wild-boar-slash-wolf-beasts (animals with three eyes and tusks curling up from their bottom jaws) were originally called xoovs.  My betas didn’t know how to say it in their heads each time it came up (and they do come up a fair amount).  Someone suggested subtly making their name sound more like earth animals they resemble.  I changed their name to wrovs, hoping for a slight wolf connotation and an easier pronunciation.

What do you think? Any sci-fi authors out there have a strict system for language-building? Any readers have a preference when it comes to alien language? Do you feel it adds authentic alien flavor, or do unfamiliar words distract you from your reading?

Lust flares hot and bright when Stella Aims’ world collides with the gorgeous and mysterious Noth Zobor. The tall dark stranger doesn’t speak a word of English, but Stella is happy to teach him everything she knows, including a crash course in the universal language of love. Their passion burns down to sweet and smoldering before Stella’s reality is completely spun around.

People aren’t always what they seem—but what if they aren’t even human?

Concerned that Noth’s been lying to her, Stella searches for him and walks into a trap straight out of a nightmare. When she wakes, she finds the real deception was far worse than she ever suspected, and her lover is not at all what he seems. Forgiving him might be the easiest thing Stella has to do, because getting out alive and saving her fellow humans from captivity and experimentation will be the toughest challenge of her life.

Can lovers from two different planets overcome forces that push them galaxies apart? When the fate of two species hangs in the balance, love may be the only thing strong enough to save them all and give hope for a new future.

Star Catcher releases on June 3^rd, 2013 from Liquid Silver Books, and will be available at all major e-book retailers.

Author Bio:

Kimber Vale writes erotic romance of all stripes. Come for the sex. Stay for the story. Find her M/M work published under K. Vale. Stalk her on Facebook and Twitter @KimberVale, and check her site for updates and new releases at www.kimbervale.com.

BDSM and Me

First let me get the promo out-of-the-way – I have a new release coming on June 4th called Niah’s Pride – a Pryde Ranch shifter novella. Okay, now that’s done, let’s get down to it!

I’ve read some very good romance novels with BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism) as the couple’s choice, but I’d never actually known anyone in real life that favored the lifestyle…until a couple of years ago.

A very good friend of mine called and said, “Hey, I’m going to a munch tonight with some new friends and I’m not comfortable going by myself. Will you go with me?”

My first thought was, what the hell is a munch and why does she need me to go get something to eat with her? “I’m not afraid of these people,” she said, “but they are new friends and I’ve never been to that restaurant before so I’m not sure where it is.”

Of course, I was convinced more than ever it was an ‘eating’ thing. She went on to explain that a munch was a gathering of people who were “in the lifestyle”. It was a time where they got together to enjoy some candid and fun conversation, get to know others in the scene, and most importantly, impart knowledge to noobs (new people exploring BSDM). They talk about what BDSM is and what it isn’t from their own perspectives, and so on.

Nosey author that I am I quickly said, “Sure, I’ll go with you as long as no one expects me to play with them.”

She assured me there were no worries as that wasn’t the purpose of a munch. Others might decide to play afterward, but not during. So we hopped in my car and rode over to the restaurant and met her new friends in a little banquet room. The door closed and my new education began.

I learned that while many think BDSM or D/s (Dominant/submissive relationships) is about one person controlling or exerting their will on another, it isn’t the case.

D/s isn’t just about kink or fantasy role-play. It’s not about whips and chains, broken bones, pain and squicky stuff the media has burned into our heads. Although some may enjoy that type of thing, D/s relationships are about power exchange. There’s no gender bias here. Various sexual preferences are proudly flaunted and accepted. In many ways, the lifestyle brings about a community. There’s a sense of brotherhood amongst Dominants and submissives who are comfortable and open with their lifestyle choice.

Here’s what one person, Alan Howard, had to say about it when someone asked the question, “Regarding your ‘Dominant/submission’ interest, why do you feel the need to control women?”

Answer: “I don’t feel the need to control women. That’s not what ‘dominance’ is about. Instead, I feel the need to just be the dominant partner in a relationship.

“I might need to explain the difference between dominance and control… The difference between a dominant man and a controlling man is whether or not he cares about consent. Consent to dominance must be given by the submissive. She must want to be dominated by him as much as he wants her to submit to him……”

“Control does not require consent, and a controlling partner is likely to be an abusive partner, while a dominant partner is more likely to be a loving partner….. Being the dominant part of a Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship carries significant responsibility. If you’re the Dom, your submissive partner is giving themselves to you, and you choose to become responsible for their mental and physical well-being within the dynamics of the relationship that you both agree to participate in. Rules and behaviours expected from each member are established through extensive communication, and the responsibility of mutual care is far more important than most ‘vanilla’ (non-BDSM) relationships.”

That’s very interesting. I also learned about how important communication is in a D/s relationship. I had no idea that there was such a thing as negotiating scenes, aftercare for Dominants and submissives. Or that it is necessary for a top to carefully monitor their bottom to ensure that they’re doing okay before, during and sometimes days after playing due to the possibility of something called sub-drop.

Every relationship has some form of D/s in it. Now before you start shaking your head and grumbling, “Nu-uh, not my relationships!” think about this – Isn’t it true that a person may be a leader outside the bedroom (top dog in the office running a top notch company, for example) yet want to be submissive (take me! pull my hair!) in the bedroom when they get home? Even in friendships, there is typically one friend that is more dominant than the other – you now, one person is more outspoken about where they should have lunch or what movie to see while the other is just fine accepting their friend’s lead. See, dominance and submission.

In the end, the munch was a gathering of ‘normal’ people that go to work every morning, take care of their families, live and love like everyone else. The difference is that those people aren’t afraid to explore their own sexuality and care enough to share the truth of it with others.

Since then I’ve been exploring the lifestyle and having a load of fun making new friends. The end result – a new BDSM series is underway! The first book in the series is called ‘Juicy’ and you’ll see it by the end of 2013. Woohoo!

Soooo, whatcha think?

TJ Michaels
www.tjmichaels.com