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Guest Blogger: Edie Ramer (Contest)
Wednesday, June 13th, 2012

Thanks to Delilah for inviting me here today. I admire her so much. She not only writes a lot of books, she writes damn good books.

I just started a new series, Miracle Interrupted, and the first story, MUST WORSHIP CATS, is a novella that introduces the village of Miracle, Wisconsin, with a population of 629. Some of the quirky people of the town are introduced as well. It’s all in a cat’s point of view, so there are no sex scenes. But in the next story…

STARDUST MIRACLE is a contemporary with magical elements. There are a few sex scenes on the tamer side, but at one time I called it ‘the penis book,’ because I used the term so often. The frequent use of the word wasn’t on purpose. It just came up. (Pun intended.) It starts when the heroine, Becky, catches her minister husband with another woman.

I just counted and I used ‘penis’ 12 times and ‘erection’ 5 times. I’d changed some of the ‘penis’ mentions to ‘erection’ during a revision, because I really don’t want everyone to think of it as ‘the penis book.’ I’d much rather them think of it as the book they loved and can’t wait to read the next story in the series (which will be out in July).

Here’s an excerpt from STARDUST MIRACLE that shows the first ‘penis’ scene after Becky bursts into her husband’s office at church, with the intention to surprise her husband:

Sitting on his couch, wearing only his white shirt, Jim stared at her as if she were his worst nightmare. So did Diana Kellman, who wore nothing, her brunette head lifting from his lap. Her fingers wrapped around his erect penis.

Becky put her hand over her mouth. She wanted to puke. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. But all she could do was stand there, a long, low moan ripping out of her throat. The sound of an animal in pain.

“Becky.” Jim put his open hand on Diana’s head and shoved her away from him. Diana fell on her butt on the gray and blue striped rug that Becky had found for Jim four years ago at an estate sale in Wausau. Diana squealed as Jim grabbed his pants and stood.

“It’s not what it seems.” Jim held his pants over his penis. As if Becky hadn’t seen it before.

Becky welcomed a hot rush of whirling anger. No, not anger. Fury. She took a deep, shuddering breath. The excitement was gone. The moan gone. The feeling that she’d been stabbed in the heart… Gone.

“You mean you weren’t getting a blow job?” she asked, and her voice only shook a little. She glanced at Diana, who was scrambling to her feet. Becky turned her head away and spotted Jim’s cell phone on his walnut desk. Instead of running out of the office, she crossed to the desk.

“Please, Becky,” Jim said. “We can talk.”

She heard the clink of his belt and without even thinking, as if something from above guided her, she picked up the cell phone, clicked on the camera, and whipped around, holding the phone like a weapon.

“Becky, no!” Jim shouted, one foot raised to put inside his pants leg, his penis not erect anymore but not completely flaccid, hanging in a curve like a tired rubber hose.

Diana was bent over, reaching for her panties, her butt toward Becky, but at Jim’s shout she glanced behind her.

Becky snapped the camera.

* * * * *

I hope you enjoyed the excerpt. I’m curious. What would you do if you walked in on a scene like this?

One commenter will win a digital copy of STARDUST MIRACLE.

Edie Ramer

23 comments to “Guest Blogger: Edie Ramer (Contest)”

  1. Dale Mayer
    · June 13th, 2012 at 12:03 pm · Link

    Hi Edie,

    Having read this book and loving it, I can’t say I ever thought of it as ‘the penis’ book. Lol. It is a good read with or without the work. 🙂

    And what would I do in that situation? Probably the same damn thing as Becky!

  2. Edie Ramer
    · June 13th, 2012 at 12:09 pm · Link

    Dale, thanks for stopping by! I’m glad you didn’t think of it as the penis book. lol Phew. And more glad that you loved it.

    I would like to think I’d do what Becky did. It’s funny, but I didn’t even think of the camera until I got to that part of the scene. My stories are character driven, and it just came to be that she would do that.

  3. Ilona
    · June 13th, 2012 at 1:08 pm · Link

    Probably nothing, if it was my husband, as he was told a long time ago “If it’s offered on a plate you don’t have to refuse it, but affairs are out!!”. This is because I know men find it hard to refuse sex for sex sake, but an affair means there is more involved and I was against that.

    Strangely enough he never took me up on that and has bee nfaithful for almsot 36 years now 😀

    *Is very wierd and knows it*

  4. Melanie Atkins
    · June 13th, 2012 at 1:40 pm · Link

    Well, I can speak on this topic from experience. I wanted to beat the podunk out of the hussy, but I couldn’t because my now-ex (ex by twenty years and counting) was a cop! That was in the days before cell phones and I didn’t have a camera handy, so I kicked the crap out of that chick’s Halloween jack-o-lantern on my way out of the house. Best I could do at the time.

    And in retrospect, I’m glad I didn’t hit the heifer. She imploded all on her own after my ex married her, and is now in a mental facility in another state. Payback, so they say, is hell.

    ; )

  5. Edie Ramer
    · June 13th, 2012 at 2:18 pm · Link

    Ilona, I don’t know what I’d do if it happened, but I think I would leave. In my heroine’s case, she did the right thing.

    And it’s not weird. Your husband knows he’s got a good thing. 🙂

  6. Edie Ramer
    · June 13th, 2012 at 2:21 pm · Link

    Melanie, good for you! Your ex got what he deserved, and so did she.

    It’s funny that you write cop romances after your experience. At least you know what you’re writing about!

  7. Liz Lipperman
    · June 13th, 2012 at 2:26 pm · Link

    Love this excerpt, Edie. Personally, I would much rather see the word penis than shaft, dick, cock, etc. I’m curious if Becky ever got to use that photo.

    And Melanie, I loved that you kicked the crap out of the poor pumpkin. Karma did come back to bite her in the butt.

    I always say, “When a man marries his mistress, it leaves a vacancy.”

    Good luck with this book, Edie. I so love your writing. 😆

  8. Edie Ramer
    · June 13th, 2012 at 2:36 pm · Link

    Liz, I’ll just say that the photo came in handy for Becky. 🙂 Right back at you because I love your writing! Too funny about your ‘man marrying his mistress’ saying.

    I’m the same way with the word penis. And vagina too. I actually think vagina it’s a beautiful and even sensual word with the soft v and g.

  9. Cynthia D'Alba
    · June 13th, 2012 at 3:14 pm · Link

    OMG! Edie said penis! Hee Hee 😈

    Cute scene.

    I’ve always told my hubby…You can window shop all you want. You cannot try it on and you cannot bring it home!

    I look forward to seeing this one, Edie

  10. Edie Ramer
    · June 13th, 2012 at 3:22 pm · Link

    Cyndi, too funny. I’ve said a few other words too…

    And I love your saying to your husband. Good one!

  11. Fedora
    · June 13th, 2012 at 6:58 pm · Link

    ROFL!!!! That’s a great scene, Edie! Thanks for the peek!

  12. Edie Ramer
    · June 13th, 2012 at 6:58 pm · Link

    Fedora, glad you enjoyed it!

  13. Mary Marvella
    · June 13th, 2012 at 7:00 pm · Link

    Once again I am hooked my Edie!

  14. Mary Marvella
    · June 13th, 2012 at 7:02 pm · Link

    I forgot the question. Gray hair moment. Can you say “Mary Bobbed it”?

  15. Edie Ramer
    · June 13th, 2012 at 7:15 pm · Link

    Mary, thank you! I’m guessing you mean “Bobbitt,” and you’re cracking me up. I like it. You’re my real life heroine.

  16. Linda Gaytan
    · June 14th, 2012 at 12:06 am · Link

    I would probably do like I did walking in on my parents with my mother sitting on top of the stove. Scream like a banshee and run like hell. 😳

    And, I too so much enjoy the word penis to all the others.

  17. Edie Ramer
    · June 14th, 2012 at 7:14 am · Link

    Linda, thanks for giving me a great laugh. And a visual that I’d rather not have. lol

    Good to know that I’m not the only one who prefers the word penis.

  18. Anne
    · June 14th, 2012 at 8:55 am · Link

    I think I’d be so stunned I wouldn’t really react other than to leave. When I started coming out of my disbelief, I’d probably be looking for my mom’s old cast iron frying pan to do some damage.

  19. Mary Marvella
    · June 14th, 2012 at 6:29 pm · Link

    Thanks, Edie! I figured you would get my little spelling humor. I was thinking you were my hero!

  20. Edie Ramer
    · June 15th, 2012 at 12:21 pm · Link

    Ann, I like the way you think!

  21. Edie Ramer
    · June 15th, 2012 at 12:25 pm · Link

    Congrats to Ilona for winning a digital copy of Stardust Miracle. I hope you enjoy it!

  22. Ilona
    · June 15th, 2012 at 1:46 pm · Link

    Thank you Edie. I look forward to reading it 😀

  23. Anoushka van Suriname
    · June 30th, 2012 at 8:10 am · Link

    God what i would do. What wouldn’t I do! Scream, cry, beat the crap out of them. then go to the witchdoctor and get me a spell which would make HIM flaccid forever and make HER pussy so smelly no one ever ever ever touch that slut again.

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