Orgasm in your Mouth
I want to thank Delilah for letting me jump between her blog sheets to play today.
Coming up with a fitting topic for this blog was tough. You see, I’m a children’s writer—middle grade (8-12 year olds)—and I just don’t touch on erotic topics, and my hubs would prefer it if I kept our sex life in our bedroom. It’s far more comfy there, doncha think? Soft bed, pillows, porn. . . . er, never mind.
So what do I blog about?
With the weather finally giving us a break and becoming cooler, my thoughts turn to making candy. I love making candy. I think I made 55 pounds of candy to give away last Christmas, everything from four types of fudge to sea salt caramels to English toffee to peanut brittle, and molded chocolate truffles. The truffles are the hardest, but the most satisfying to make. They are time-consuming, back-breaking, delicate (entire batches have cracked and thrown out), and temperamental, depending on humidity. Very finicky stuff, but well worth the hassle.
About five years ago, I started experimenting with making truffle fillings. I now have fifteen flavors that are the epitome of an orgasm in your mouth.
Peppermint Schnapps, Strawberry Margarita, Frangelico (hazelnut), Amaretto (almond), Whiskey Toffee, Bäranjäger (honey), Key Lime (gin), Chambord (raspberry), Buttershots (butterscotch), Rum Raisin, Grand Marnier (orange), Black Forest (kirshwasser–cherry), Limoncello (lemon), Porto, and Gingerbread.
Gingerbread is my most recent invention using a vodka-based filling. Hubs came home from work and he sampled the remnants in the saucepan and asked, “How did you get gingerbread in there?”
Yeah, I’m that good.
I know all of you have eaten a piece of chocolate, done the little happy dance, moaned a little, maybe allowed a shiver of pleasure to tingle all your naughty bits, or had your eyes rolled back in your head as you experienced a climax of endorphins shooting throughout your body.
And, odds are, that was from a mass-produced, grainy piece of chocolate. Can you imagine the orgasm you’ll have eating one of these lovelies?
What makes chocolate so sensual, so sexual? The velvety texture? The smell as it floods your senses? The visual stimulation? The flavor as you roll it around in your mouth? The contrast between sweet and salty?
Let’s switch to a quickie anatomy 101 lesson. The reason you are enjoying chocolate so much has to do with the more than 10,000 taste buds you have in your mouth. Not all of your taste buds are on your tongue; they also reside inside your cheeks and in the roof of your mouth.
1–find a piece of chocolate.
2–roll that velvety smoothness around on your tongue,
3–and inhale through your nose.
4–savor the moment until the last bit of goodness slides down your throat.
So what happened?
The essence of the chocolate scent glides over soft palate and into your sinus cavity where the olfactory cells will detect the aroma, thus increasing your satisfaction of eating chocolate. In one simple bite, you will have experienced taste, touch and smell. Before you take the bite of chocolate, you will have the visual stimulation. And so we don’t forget our sense of hearing, your moans and groans of delight as you experience an orgasm in your mouth, further release the endorphins of happiness.
Since y’all were so kind to put up with me, I’d like to share a little something-something with you–my recipe for Sea Salt Caramels. The sweet is countered by the crunchy saltiness, while the creamy caramel blends beautifully with the chocolate coating.
Now, you can make an orgasm happen in your mouth.
SEA SALT CARAMELS
1 1/3 cup heavy cream (whipping cream)
2 cups sugar
½ cup light corn syrup (Karo)
½ cup honey
6 Tbls. butter, cut into small cubes
1 tsp. vanilla extract (Madagascar real vanilla)
2 tsp. sea salt (if you have fleur de sel great, but I used Alessi coarse sea salt)
Dipping chocolate (Merkens or Ghirardelli dipping chocolate)
1 tsp. sea salt for decorating
Line 8-inch square Pyrex baking dish with aluminum foil. Spray with non-stick cooking spray.
Place cream in large saucepan over medium-high heat and bring to a boil. Stir in sugar, corn syrup and honey; continue stirring until mixture comes to a boil. Cook candy, swirling occasionally, until it reaches the temperature of 257 degrees Fahrenheit on a candy thermometer. Remove pan from heat and add butter, vanilla, and salt. Stir until ingredients are incorporated; take care not to scrape sides where sugar has crystallized.
Pour into prepared pan. Scrap out caramel, but again, take care NOT to scrape areas where sugar has crystallized. Set at room temperature to harden. Lightly cover with waxed paper after it has cooled if you are letting it set overnight before you make your caramels.
Melt chocolate until it is smooth. Place waxed paper sheets on counter for dipped chocolates. Place sea salt in small container to be sprinkled (about 5-6 grains) on top of caramel.
Remove caramel from pan by using the foil ‘handles’. Carefully remove foil, as it can tear. Cut caramel into 1/2- inch squares, dip into chocolate until coated. Lift out with dipping fork and place on waxed paper to dry. Dip a few pieces (I can do about 10 without the chocolate hardening too much, but I’ve been doing this awhile) and then, sprinkle decoratively with salt. Let dry.
Take a sharp thin knife and trim excess chocolate puddling around base of caramels. Place in paper cups or store in air tight container until ready for giving or eating! Enjoy!!
HINT: I used orange blossom honey.
HINT # 2: If you forgot to wash your saucepan out and the sugar solidified, don’t freak. Just fill it with hot water and let the magic happen! The sugar will dissolve away.
HINT #3: Hot, boiling sugar is like napalm! If it splashes you place the body part under running cold water. This is the only way to get it off since it adheres to your skin. Yes, I have a quarter-sized scar to prove this.
Margaret Golla (M. A. Golla) has been writing since 2000, but in 2007 she realized she never grew up and wanted to play with her imaginary friends again, only this time she calls it ‘writing’. MAG’s lives in Oklahoma with her two kids—oops, make that one hubs and one child—one large fuzzy-butt Old English sheepdog, Maggie (yes, she knows the dog was named after her!) and one small fuzzy-butt guinea pig, Scruffy. She’s plotting book four in The Goblin’s Apprentice series, DRAGON DAYS OF SUMMER, writing a non-fic blogagraphy (what else would you call taking your blogs and making them into a book??) about her weight-loss journey, and developing an adult paranormal series.
Thanks so much for having me visit, DD! Enjoy the caramels. They are the #1 favorites of the candies that I make.
Oh yum! I am drooling just reading about the different types of candy you make. Unfortunately, I am not the best of cooks but I am definitely tempted! Thank you for sharing (0:
This is such a yummy post! I’m dying to try some of your chocolates. You are so talented. I swear…You’re missing a money-making opportunity!
Thanks for sharing, I love chocolate!
Sounds soo yummy!!! Now I’m craving chocolate! 🙂
You should do a cookbook! Titled “Sensual Candies” and include how to eat them, lol. Would love some of the other recipes.
Thanks, ELF! It’s taken many years of making candy to be as comfortable with it as I am. I’ve gotten the truffle fillings down pat, so I’ve been thinking about making fudge lately. Many fudge recipes have a grainy texture that I know there has to be an easy and simple way to fix this problem.
Cyndi–I’ve looked and there already is a Candy Making for Dummies book out there! By someone who actually makes candy for a living, no less! Guess I’m out of luck! If I could get away with making this stuff out of my kitchen and make a nice profit, I’d be making candy every day. But alas, I just can’t see there being enough of a profit margin to make it worth my while!
Enjoy, Chelsea! If you have the ingredients and the tools, this really is an easy recipe! Just keep an eye on your thermometer. It doesn’t move very much, but then it moves quickly!
LOL, Amber! Glad I could be of service. Milk Duds will do in a pinch, but if you can’t make the recipe try the Ghirardelli Sea Salt caramel-filled chocolate squares. They are pretty darn good!
Thanks for the suggestion, Pam! I’ve posted most of my recipes on my blog under the header Foodie Friday. Many of the candy fillings are guesstimates since I cook by look, texture and taste.
It drives me nuts watching people eat my truffles. I want to tell them to savor them, enjoy the nuances of the various flavors. But people are people and they’ll pop them like Pez until they are all gone. Hours of work gone in minutes.
A sad, sad waste of luscious chocolate.
I’ve learned not to watch.
Wow! Sounds wonderful!!
As I was reading this, I am sitting here eating Hershey’s drops. :p Now my mouth wants caramels!
dragn_lady at yahoo dot com
I would love to try making these, but I am sure that I would totally ruin them. I do good with baking but other things are pretty much beyond me, lol.
Salted caramels are one of my fav treats! Thanks for the recipe!
Enjoy, Stacy! They are seriously addictive!
June–there are a couple of key items to remember when making candy.
1) it takes forever for the thermometer to go up and then whoops! it’s there. So don’t get distracted.
2) scrape the caramel from the bottom of the pan, but DON’T scrape the sides. This is how it will crystalize. Besides you need a sample of all your yumminess, right?
Enjoy, Vanessa! This recipe makes for great hostess gifts/Christmas gifts/etc.
I almost had an orgasm reading about your chocolates! YUM! I’ll be glad to lick your …….. bowls.
You’re so naughty, Mary! 😛