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Real Life Question
Tuesday, September 27th, 2016

I almost didn’t post today, but I suffer from the “anal” gene and couldn’t stand the thought of missing my goal of posting new content every day here. So, I’m going to tell you some of what’s happening in my life, because I’m a real person, facing real issues. And maybe some of you can give me some advice or at least share your experiences.

This past week has been difficult for this family. My 96-year-old grandma suffered a fall and fractured vertebrae in her lower back. She spent a couple of days in the hospital in Little Rock for evaluation. The doctors decided against surgery, no doubt due to her age, and sent her into a rehab facility in our town.

She’s miserable. Her greatest fear is spending her last days in a rest home. The “rehab” center staff feel they are better equipped to provide her care, but they don’t take into account her mental well-being. She’s very lucid. Hates the food. Dislikes the staff. Misses my dad’s coffee. She’s depressed, and I fear she will give up, especially after the meeting with the care coordinator today who said her recovery will be long-term.

I’m the only person in this family pushing for home health care. Sure, it’s inconvenient, and maybe her physical therapy won’t be as good or often as needed, but my grandmother deserves to be where she wants to be. At home, surrounded by the people who love her, fed meals she’ll actually enjoy eating, and drinking my father’s very superior coffee. And yes, we’ll have to pitch in more, but isn’t that the way it’s supposed to work? If she never heals, and spends the rest of her days in bed or a wheelchair, why not have it be in a place that she’s familiar with?

Okay, so maybe I’m sharing a bit too much. But this really bothers me.

Add that to the surgery our 7-year-old cancer girl faces on Thursday, and you can guess that the last thing I’ve been doing this week is writing. Instead, I’m worrying. And I’m not a worrier. I have a perpetually, annoyingly sunny disposition (other than when I’m watching presidential debates—I groaned, snickered, and shouted at the screen last night), so me being down isn’t me.

So weigh in. What would you do? Have you faced these choices too? Or have you planned how you will handle them in the future?

20 comments to “Real Life Question”

  1. Red headed hellion
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    · September 27th, 2016 at 7:49 pm · Link

    You know my opinion in this. She needs badass medicine and home health. Love that woman. She needs to come home and be with us. I’m getting sick thinking about her being up there all alone with random pop ins from family. I feel sick down I’m my bones for her.



  2. Red headed hellion
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    · September 27th, 2016 at 7:49 pm · Link

    *in



  3. Theresa milder
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    · September 27th, 2016 at 7:49 pm · Link

    I will share with you my experience with my brother.he was in a car accident at 27. He went steadily downhill in 20 yrs. Soon after we had to put him into home healthcare. It was Goodrich to stay in his apartment and have his stuff around him.I would argue that home care is best if a rehab center does not work. She has had a long life and deserves to have her wishes heard. I unafraid my story does not have a happy resolution. My brother got so bad he needed a nursing home. His needs are met there. I would argue on her behalf to stay in her home environment. It is healthier for her in the long run.I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Good luck.



  4. Pat Quinn
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    · September 27th, 2016 at 8:21 pm · Link

    I would probably do the same thing. My Mom has cancer she had to go to the hospital for 5 days because she couldn’t walk then to rehab for 3 weeks now she’s at my home for an extended time. Then on the weekends my brother has her so we make it work. That’s what you do with family.



  5. Jen B.
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    · September 27th, 2016 at 8:42 pm · Link

    I know people who have gone both ways and I know people who love both options. There are a lot of great home healthcare companies out there. Don’t be afraid to ask tons of questions. Once you hire someone, use their services fully. They are there to help you! If you try it and it doesn’t work then you can reassess. I hope your grandmother heals up fast!



  6. Charlotte
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    · September 27th, 2016 at 8:53 pm · Link

    Home is better if at all possible. I will keep your family in my prayers.



  7. Buttonsmom2003
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    · September 27th, 2016 at 8:57 pm · Link

    If you and family are up to it and willing, I say do what grandma wants. I honestly don’t think I could do it but I’m not much of a nurturing type. My younger sister is, however, and she took care of our mom while working full-time.

    Sending good and healing thoughts for your family. <3



  8. Gemma Juliana
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    · September 27th, 2016 at 9:05 pm · Link

    I’d bring her home, Delilah. You are coming from the heart, and at her age that’s what she needs. Who knows how long she’s still got on planet earth at her age? However, if she can’t get back to enjoying her loved ones and superior coffee, she may fade much faster. Yes, you’re right, being there for loved ones even when it’s hard work is what life is all about. Hugs & prayers to you all.



  9. Dianne Kenes
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    · September 27th, 2016 at 9:47 pm · Link

    I will just say your Grandmother at her age would be happier in her own home if that what she wants since she hates where she is at and home health care would be good to start with and see if she is happier a lot of times the elderly are put where they aren’t happy and it does shorten there lives!
    Your going through a lot with a 7 year old going through cancer I will pray for you and hope that everything goes ok for her and you!



  10. Roxie A Jones
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    · September 27th, 2016 at 10:02 pm · Link

    I say let her come home. She is 96 years old and let her do what she wants to do. No matter how much time she has here on earth, she should be happy. I know how you feel. My mother was 92 years old when she passed last year. My sisters and brothers took turn making sure she had everything she needed. We did not put her in a home. She stayed at her home until her last breath. So enjoy everyday with her and tell her everyday that you love her. This is the best medicine. I am raising my hands to heaven for your seven years old that everything will be alright in the name of Jesus. Blessing to you and your family.



  11. Michelle Willms
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    · September 27th, 2016 at 10:10 pm · Link

    My grandmother fell a few years ago and broke her hip. The same thing was decided – she needed long-term care after a hip replacement. The therapy she’d get at the facility was far superior to that provided at home and if she’d only do the work there for a few intense weeks, she could make it back home. I KNEW if we didn’t get her home for her therapy (and her garden and flowers and house, etc.), she’d never make it home at all. My mother knew the same thing. My mom was in TX at the time, I was in NV, my grandmother was in Mississippi. I was in a bit better health then (I can’t drive more than 25 miles at a time now), and sucked it up, loaded up my kids and two dogs and droved to TX, got my mother and another dog and drove to MS. My mother spoke with her siblings who just couldn’t seem pull together to help (even though with nieces, nephews, grandchildren, etc. – and us there – we could’ve all managed for the summer, at least, and they could have worried about the future a bit closer to the future, if you understand my meaning. Anyway, as it turned out, my grandmother lost hope and died. From a BROKEN HIP!!! She was working in her garden and everything prior to this. So, I say get your grandmother home and if she can’t recover from this, then let her fail to recover in an environment she loves and NOT in a crappy home as my grandmother did. You have the right idea. I support you whole-heartedly. Please. Stick to your guns on this.



  12. Gail Siuba
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    · September 27th, 2016 at 10:42 pm · Link

    I went through something along those lines about 20 years ago. I let the hospital and the social worker tell me I couldn’t take my Dad home. I know I made a huge mistake.

    I think you should bring Grandma home. Mental well-being is as important, if not more so than physical health. It’s been said that your thoughts lead your life. Let her have happy thoughts and the comfort of home.

    Keeping you and the entire family in my prayers.



  13. flchen1
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    · September 27th, 2016 at 11:31 pm · Link

    If you can afford it, let her be at home! But don’t skimp on hiring the help you need to make it all work on a practical level. That is so important for your whole family to be able to make the best of this time. Hugs!!!!



  14. Pansy Petal
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    · September 27th, 2016 at 11:55 pm · Link

    If home healthcare is an option, by all means, bring her home. OR if you and your family are able . . . bring her home. I could say so much more on this topic, but you really don’t want me on a soap box. So I will leave you with – give her the best quality of life that she can have and that does not necessarily mean a hospital or rehabilitation center.



  15. Gayle Lazur
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    · September 28th, 2016 at 1:12 am · Link

    I say bring her home where she will be happiest. Mental health plays a large role in recovery and if being home makes her happy then bring her home. Her remaining time should be spent surrounded by family and where she is most comfortable as long as she can. Just be sure to fully check out any home health care provider and be willing to change providers if she is not happy. I had to go through a couple of aides when looking for someone to help me with my husband and his ALS when I was working full time.

    Prayers also for the seven year old and her surgery. Hoping she comes through as well as she has in the past. Prayers also for you – be sure to take a few moments each day for yourself. Having gone through something similar with caring for my husband before he passed, I know that if you don’t take care of yourself you won’t be able to do what needs doing and you will burn out. I learned that lesson almost too late.



  16. Elizabeth Andrews
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    · September 28th, 2016 at 5:16 am · Link

    I’m sorry, Delilah. 🙁 Worrying about family is hard, especially if they’re not close enough for you to keep a constant eye on them. I’m doing some of that on two fronts right now, and it sucks.

    Here’s hoping someone else will start listening to you about your grandmother, and that Thursday’s surgery for the young one goes well. Good thoughts heading your way!



  17. Robin Dunn
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    · September 28th, 2016 at 7:51 am · Link

    First thing first a big hug. As a mom of a cancer survivor who also has a chronic life-threatening disease I so understand where you’re coming from. I can tell you this if you can get your grandmother home it is probably the best thing you could ever do for her. Growing up my mother Took care of her mom. Then I took care of my mother and my mother-in-law and my father at home for as long as I could provide the care. As a person who has logged multiple hours as a patient , The best place you can be as home. During my sons cancer treatment we also tried to give him as much treatment at home as possible. Delilah you are quite right, the psychological outweighs everything. If it’s possible to bring your grandmother home I strongly suggest you do so. Will it be easy no, but will she be happy yes. Thank you for sharing from your heart and soul every day



  18. Shirley Long
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    · September 28th, 2016 at 10:03 am · Link

    Went thru the same thing with both my mom and my dad. They both had cancer and were determined to live out their last days at home. Thankfully, between my brother, sister and I, with a little help from other family members, we were able to make it work.
    They both spent their last days at home, surrounded by their things and the people who loved them. And they both died right where they wanted to be ~~ at home.
    Home health is a good thing, maybe not as intensive as “in-house” therapy, but what good does therapy do if the patient’s state of mind is such that they really don’t care if they get better or not.
    If at all possible, I say bring her home and let her live n peace for whatever time she has left.
    And all my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as your previous 7 yr old has more surgery.



  19. Shirley Long
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    · September 28th, 2016 at 10:04 am · Link

    “Precious” 7 yr old, not previous 7 yr old. My fingers aren’t working right this morning. 😳



  20. Angelique Armae
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    · September 29th, 2016 at 8:14 am · Link

    Sending prayers your way, Delilah. Hugs, Angelique.