So it’s Valentine’s Day, allegedly the most romantic day of the year. More money is spent on flowers, candy—especially chocolate—and gifts for that special someone than at any other time of the year. I guess that’s because Valentine’s day allows us to focus on a single person. The special someone who makes our heart beat just a little faster, brings the roses to our cheeks, and causes … never mind. TMI.
The best part of writing Romance Novels is the opportunity to remember the ways in which my special Valentine makes all the things in my life better. And because my Darling Husband is my own personal hero, I can remember with vivid detail the first kiss.
Kissing is an art form, and few people get it right. In the movies, on the silver screen, we often see the most handsome men lunging in for the first kiss by practically attacking the heroine. Make no mistake, if you are an avid reader of romance, you know better. Even in the heat of passion, the hero is serious about his kissing, and will make sure he gets it right and the heroine will never forget him—or that first kiss.
Kissing is more than a prelude to intimacy. It is, in fact, an act of healing. Kissing releases endorphins. You know what they are: those funny little things that melt the tension, restore our enthusiasm and restore energy. Kissing cultivates the closeness in a relationship which promotes feelings of romantic fulfillment.
Sadly, most of us get it wrong. In today’s fast-paced society, we all, at one time or another, deliver quick pecks that send the message “this is all I can afford right now” or our minds wander to other things even during longer kisses. This is self-defeating behavior, if you are kissing and wondering whether or not the kiss will lead to more intimate behavior, such as lovemaking.
Most of the time, we just have poor role models for kissing. In TV and the movies, kissing is usually an aggressive advance with lips roughly mashing together. Overt puckering, the quick smooch, or mashing of the lips suggests that kissers have a set notion of how a kiss is going to be, rather than letting it evolve, an exchange if you will, between two consenting adults.
So, here are some guidelines for Kissing!
- Take your time. Surprise someone special with a slow, sensual kiss. Put your hands on the sides of their face and turn them gently toward you. Look into their eyes—be sure to take your time—and take some slow deep breaths. Pretend your are never going to see them again as you are at this moment. Keep the eye contact as you draw closer. Make sure you value the connection, not just of lips to lips, but a whole body event.
- Spend this time experiencing the kiss. Be aware of all the sensations the kissing stirs in both body and soul.
- Make sure you say it when your lover gets it right. “When you kissed me first thing this morning, I carried it with me all day long. It soothed the ache of a stressful day and energized me to come home to you”.
- Don’t ignore the urge to sigh with pleasure or murmur approval. If it gives you pleasure, moan. Just be sure to express your feelings.
- Mirror the breathing of your partner. This small act creates a profound connection between lovers.
- While you’re in his arms, exercise some spontaneity. Dance with joy, let your partner take the lead in every other kiss, and just see where kissing leads you.
- Don’t forget to use your tongue. Remember, the swirl of a tongue across the seam of the lips is an invitation for your partner to play. Teeth can also add to the moment by delivering nips, and nibbling makes an even greater connection.
Don’t forget the other ways to make your Valentine feel special. My DH is a lover of all things chocolate, and I like to make him special treats for every special occasion. The following recipe is quick and easy. I’ll bet you have everything you need in the pantry.
Peanut Butter Pretzel Treats.
½ cup crunchy peanut butter
¼ cup crushed salted pretzels
½ cup chocolate chips
Mix the peanut butter with the crushed pretzels in a small bowl. Chill in the freezer at least 15 minutes. Roll a teaspoon of the mixture into a ball, place on wax paper lined sheet and return to the freezer for about 1 hour. Make sure the balls are firm. Melt the chocolate in the microwave, (this takes about one minute) and coat the frozen balls with the melted chocolate. Return the balls to the wax papered tray and refrigerate for one hour. I place them in mini muffin liners to serve.
Ane Ryan Walker