First, Happy Easter from my house to yours!

Next, remember when my dd gifted me with mini-Marvel superheroes for my advent calendar at Christmas?

Well, before I started to put together my report card for today, I decided to pull a figure from my bucket rather than pull a tarot card, just to get the right mindset for the coming week. I pulled this guy:

He’s The Punisher. Not a true-blue hero at all; however, he does have redeeming qualities. He takes out the bad guys. No mercy. So, I’m going to borrow some of his balls-to-the-wall determination this week and slay my calendar! 🙂

Report Card

Since April 1st…

1. I’ve done nothing. Nada. Zilch. Of course, I have the best excuse in the world. I am currently recovering from major surgery—and kicking ass while doing it. 🙂

This next week…

1. I will return to work, editing two projects for other authors!
2. I’ll issue an extension to authors interested in writing a short story for the Burn collection. Folks may have been waiting to see if I kicked the bucket before submitting their work. LOL
3. I’ll be reviewing short stories I’ve published and picking some to put together into a second Ultra collection. I need to get something published, and I do have some hot stories that haven’t appeared in a set or in print yet…
4. I’ll contact my oncologist’s office to make an appointment to set up more appointments so I can get them hard-scheduled in my work plan!
5. I’ll begin painting again. Small things, only. I want to continue work on #the100dayproject, even though I’m dragging far behind the rest of the participants.

Open Contests

Be sure to check out these posts and enter to win the prizes that are still up for grabs:

1. 1. Meet Author Kaje Harper! Complete Short Story Here! Plus, FREE Reads! — Read an entire short story, plus pick up FREE reads!
   2. Gabbi Grey/Gabbi Powell/Gabbi Black: Why I Can’t Stay in My Lane (Contest) — Win an Amazon gift card!
   3. Gabbi Grey: I Wanted Taylor Swift! (Contest) — Win an Amazon gift card!
   4. Saturday Puzzle-Contest — Win an Amazon gift card!

So, I’m poking my head in the door. It doesn’t mean I’m back to my daily routine just yet, but I thought I’d let you know how things are going. I’ve shared (over-shared, I’m sure!) about my cancer journey so far, and I don’t intend to change that. The emails from online friends out there who have loved ones or who have or are going down this road have been moving.

Anyways, back to the subject.

I had surgery on April 1st. April Fool’s Day. My old wedding anniversary. My ex-hubby laughed at the date and said, “Ah then, everything is going to be fine, because we didn’t turn out so bad.” I have to agree, as odd as that sounds I’m sure to some of you since we’re divorced, but we’re still great friends, still sharing phone calls and birthday wishes. April 1st is a lucky day for me.

The doctor had thought he’d be taking out more than he did. First, he went after the omentum—it’s an apron of tissue that protects your internal organs. When he eye-balled it, he saw no living cancer on it although the omentum had lit up like a Christmas tree on my first PET scan all those months ago. Then he removed all my girlie parts, noting that he saw very little remaining cancer there. Mostly just slimy bits of dead remnants of cancer (I’m interpreting his notes, maybe embellishing a bit—can’t help myself).

He was going to take my lymph nodes down there. But other than some dead slime (more embellishment), he found them pink and healthy-looking so did not remove them. He hunted around my liver, gallbladder, intenstines, etc. He had said he’d remove anything he found infected (if he could), but found nothing else of concern. When he spoke with me later that afternoon, he told me my chemo had done an excellent job of knocking back the cancer. He was pretty sure he’d gotten everything he could.

Are you wondering why I included a picture of a zipper at the start of this post? Well, they closed with a long line of staples (27 in all) and my belly looked like they installed a zipper in it. (My attempt at humor.)

My sister, Elle James, stayed with me in the hospital for the two days and nights that followed.  She was a huge help. You need an advocate, someone to stomp down the hall to ask for pain meds. BTW, Dilaudid is fabulous. Opioids definitely have their place. It hits fast and only lingers a couple of hours, but when you need something fast… In a hospital setting… Mm-hmm. Highly recommend.

I went home on Wednesday with a soft pillow clutched against my sore belly and one last dose of Dilaudid to hold me until I got home an hour away.

Sis left soon after. Storms were brewing, and she still had a four-hour drive. Then I was left in my daughter’s gentle care.

When I’d been away, my SIL moved the reclining lift chair he’d purchased for me from my living area to the living room. Now, every time I need to get to my feet to move around (exercise is key to recovery), the chair stands me on my feet with little to no intervention from anyone and no straining of my belly. As the days have passed, that’s been very important to my independence.

Everything was moving along well. I was convinced I was going to have the easiest recovery known to womankind, but then…my temperature started climbing and my wee-wee-hole (no, that’s not the technical term, so don’t quote me) began to hurt. In fact, my entire pelvic floor area began to ache every time I attempted to relieve myself. I suspected a UTI and Dr. Google agreed, so I called my surgeon’s office and asked if I could have the urine sample taken at my local doctor’s office rather than head back to the city to pee into a bottle). He approved, and I was quickly put on antibiotics for a UTI. Not just any UTI, but one caused by an emerging super-bug with a very pretty name: Morganella Morganii. M. morganii turned my pee into the most brilliantly colored sunset orange I’ve ever seen. You know I’m going to be mixing colors to try to match it—Indian yellow, cadmium red, a touch of magenta or fuchsia…

I was headed to the surgeon’s office the next day (last Thursday) anyway, where an RN with the nickname of Buffy (it was just meant to be), removed all my staples. It wasn’t supposed to hurt, but maybe I’m just a big baby. 27 little needle-y pinches took my breath away.

I’m finally able to sit up for longer periods in my chair. I’m taking naps during the day on a bed with many pillows. My daughter has to help me up, but she was CNA-trained, so she knows how to get me up without causing any pain at all. My discomfort from my UTI is fading. My temperature is back to normal.

This coming Thursday, I’ll be back in Little Rock to see my surgeon. He’ll let me know his official findings and hopefully let me know when he recommends I continue my immunotherapy. (And more importantly to me—when I can jump into the swimming pool.) This journey isn’t over, but so far, I’m tolerating the treatments.

And that’s all I’ve got. I hope everyone out there is feeling well, loving the changing seasons. I didn’t even mention the huge flood we had right after I got home from the hospital, but yeah, the local river rose its highest since 1969. We were cut off from town for a couple of days there. Life’s just so interesting like that.

This picture was taken just down the hill from where we live and over a mile from the river.

UPDATE: The winner is…Dana Zamora!
*~*~*

March

Work-related:

1. I didn’t write a single word in all of March. I really didn’t intend to. I had too much on my mind.
2. I completed 5 editing projects for other authors in March!

Health-related:

1. I had an immunotherapy appointment. Such a breeze after chemo!
2. Otherwise, I pushed my health and my stats completely out of my mind. I didn’t need the stress!

Happiness-related: 

1. I attended my art guild’s meeting this month for a Show & Tell of what we’ve all been working on. It was really nice!
2. I painted every day until this last week as part of #the100dayproject. Here are a few small pieces I completed:

April

1. To complete 1 or 2 editing projects in April, but not beginning them until mid-month to give myself time to recover.

For health-related, I plan:

1. To undergo a radical hysterectomy, plus a couple of other organs on the 1st!
2. To undergo immunotherapy whenever my oncologist says I’m ready for more.
3. To rest and recover!

For happiness-related, I plan: 

1. To spend time with the family while I recover from surgery. I’ll be in the living room in a lift chair for quite a while. I’ll be impossible to ignore. LOL.
2. To continue the #100dayproject when I’m ready.

Contest

Comment on anything you’ve read in this post. Tell me what you’re doing to make yourself happier and healthier, or tell me what you plan to read in April…

Like I said, comment on anything for a chance to win a $5 Amazon gift card!

See you later!

I won’t be posting again until I feel well enough to do so. I do have some guests lined up to post while I’m away. Please be sure to stop in and tell them hello and thank them for picking up the slack for me! Until then, I hope you all stay safe and find happiness in all the little things. Love, DD

I have a huge To Do list that I keep trimming because I’m running out of time to do everything I thought I needed to get out of the way before my surgery next Tuesday.

My surgery is scheduled for some time on Tuesday. They’ll call the day before and let me know when. My sister, Elle James, has already volunteered to take me to Little Rock the day before. We’ll hole up in a hotel near the hospital, then she’ll be with me there for the duration of my stay. My lovely daughter will come for the surgery but has to head home afterward because…kids and animals. If all goes well, I’ll be there for two nights, then I’ll be sent home.

She’s having my lift chair moved to the living room while I’m gone because I won’t be able to go up and down stairs for about six weeks. I’ll be “installed” in the living room, which will be annoying for them, but I expect I’ll sleep a lot. I’ll be in the chair because my daughter, who had a hysterectomy years ago, says I won’t be able to comfortably get in and out of bed. She has it all planned out how she’s going to care for me. I hate that I’ll need that kind of help, to and from the bathroom, getting up to walk, etc. I know I’m going to be miserable, and a lot of things will fall by the wayside while I recover. Google says I won’t be able to swim for six weeks, and she just smiles and says I probably won’t feel like it anyway, but I hope to prove her wrong. Full recovery will take about six months.

I’ll be stranded away from my desktop for six weeks. Which means, I’ll be using my laptop, which I don’t love. I’m not sure how that will work. Likely, she’ll have to find some sort of desk/tray thing to place over my chair so I can reach the keys. How soon I’ll be back online is a huge question. I do have some guest authors’ posts to pre-post so this website won’t be completely dead. I’ll ask you all to support them, and me, by sharing their posts online. You won’t mind that, right?

I figure I’ll be back to editing in a couple of weeks—in short spurts. Lots of rest in between. The kids will watch movies with me so I don’t go stir-crazy. I think I’ll like their noise and commotion, the sounds of living, being around me upstairs.

Am I scared? It’s odd. I’m not. I know a million things can go wrong, but hey, I’ve made it this far, and this journey has been surprising. I’ve come farther than I could have hoped at the start last August. I hope I fly through surgery, that I avoid any major infection. The worst I will let myself consider is dealing with the discomfort and pain. I can do that. I already have experienced some of that. I’m feeling positive and making plans for the future. When they put my under, I’ll hold to an image of me floating in my pool with the sunshine beating down on me—my favorite place and activity in the world.

Report Card

Last week…

1. I completed one author’s edits and began two new projects!
2. I worked on getting caught up on some administrivia to get ready for my upcoming surgery and recovery. I’m soooo easily distracted I didn’t get far.
3. I attended a meeting of the local art group. It was nice to see friends.
4. I’ve been painting every day as part of #the100dayproject.

This next week…

1. I will complete two sets of author’s edits.
2. I have more administrative things to do this week to “get my affairs in order” before surgery.
3. I’ll continue working on #the100dayproject, but only if I have time. At some point, I’m going to have to pause and resume after the surgery.

Open Contests

Be sure to check out these posts and enter to win the prizes that are still up for grabs:

1. 1. The Key to Happiness (Contest) — Last day to enter! Win an Amazon gift card!
   2. Happy Alfred Hitchcock Day! (Contest) — Last day to enter! Win an Amazon gift card!
   3. It’s Jewel Day! (Contest) — This one ends soon! Win an Amazon gift card!
   4. Flashback: Fun with Dick and Jane (Contest) — This one ends soon! Win a FREE book!
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   9. Saturday Puzzle-Contest: Welcome Spring! — Win an Amazon gift card!

Yesterday was a very sad day for our family.

We lost our horse, Kansas. She was very, very old—so her passing wasn’t unexpected. Above is a picture taken of her yesterday morning with the 20-year-old who loved having the chore of feeding and currying her. The sixteen-year-old loved to feed her slices of apple. She roamed our pasture with her three Mini-Mes—our goats—who loved her and followed her lead always when hunting for nice grass or sheltering from a storm.

I called my ex-husband to talk about Kansas because he knew her history well.

He told me she was raised by a little boy in the Smoky Mountains, but after a while his father decided he needed a bigger horse, so she was sold to a horse dealer and in turn sold to a family whose daughter wanted to become a barrel racer. Together with Kansas, she raced all over the region and did very well, qualifying to go to the nationals. However, the girl decided she didn’t want to barrel race anymore, and Kansas ended up in the hands of a friend of my ex-husband’s in Tennessee.

He’d go there to ride. She kept a lot of horses, and the one he preferred to ride wasn’t available one day, so he pointed at Kansas. His friend warned him that she didn’t like men and wouldn’t let them ride her. However, my husband is an “animal whisperer”—any animal really, but especially with dogs…and horses. Yes, he preferred bigger, flashier horses, but there was something about this little “foundation” Indian pony, a sturdy appaloosa, that he liked. She was called Kansas because of the white tornado on her face. You can see it in the picture above.

When he first rode her, he noted that she’d get “high-headed” and purposely bump people, but she let him ride her. They got along well. Afterward, his friend said she needed a home and gave him the horse.

He kept her for years and rode her in the North Georgia mountains and the Smoky Mountains with groups of horse riders who liked to trek through the wilderness in wild places with mininal established trails. He said she was a “go” horse, who just loved to go fast—a little powerhouse. She’d easily go up or down mountains on those long treks, and when they’d head for home, he’d pin a glow stick to her tail, drop her reins, and let her guide the rest of the group down the mountains.

He trained her to do a lot of tricks because she was very smart. He quickly had her doing sliding stops, backing up, and allowing herself to be mounted from either side, and more. She was never fond of men, other than him, but loved children. She’d grow a full wooly coat in winter and would break the ice for his other horses when the troughs or pond would freeze.

However, she got old, and he wanted her to find a place to live out the rest of her years in peace, well cared for. That’s how she came to us about thirteen years ago. The oldest girl, when she was younger, rode her for a little while, but for the remainder of her days, she lived in our pasture and woods. She was forty years old; her teeth were worn to nubs and her back was swayed with age. However, during her annual checkups, the veterinarian would marvel over how healthy and active she still was. The farrier would comment on how calm and gentle she was. She was a friend to our three goats, who followed her around like she was their mother.

Yesterday, the 20-year-old said she was off her feed. When she walked around behind her, she noticed something protruding from her vagina. We called vets all over the state to come check her out. One came in the afternoon. She had a prolapsed vagina due to cancer. With our blessing, he euthanized her in the field.

When he left, the goats stood in a row nearby, unmoving, as though they were at a funeral, giving their last respects to their friend. My son-in-law buried her nearer the woods. Then last night, we had a terrible storm and we lost power for eight hours. There were tornadoes in the area, but the only damage we had was to the goats’ pen. A limb fell on it, but they were unharmed. I figure the storm was Kansas, with her white tornado marking, leaving us.

I have a puzzle for you below. It’s of a group of horses. The one that’s second from the left is how I imagine she would’ve looked in her youth, and how I imagine horse heaven, with her in it, would look. RIP, Kansas.

UPDATE: The winner is…Jennifer Beyer!
*~*~*

I strive every day to find happiness. It can be little or big things. Given what I’ve been facing (my cancer journey), it sometimes is hard. But I don’t allow myself to wallow in sadness or negativity. I make a choice every day when I wake up to find happiness.

For me, I find happiness in little, everyday things. I love a good meal. I’ve been on a quest since last August to find pasta recipes that appeal to me so that I can experiment with making them at home. I’m not much of a cook, and I know my daughter doesn’t have time to do it for me, but the search and the process of trying out these recipes has given me joy. Recently, I watched an Italian chef make Cacio e Pepe, so I thought, that looks yummy and easy. Are the ingredients available locally? I couldn’t find the special, fat spaghettoni you need (he said the fatter surface of the noodles makes the sauce cling better), so I ordered a package from Amazon. The special sheep cheese, Pecorino, wasn’t at my local Walmart, so again, I went back on the internet to get it.

When everything arrived, I made it for myself because my daughter and her girls don’t like a wide variety of cheeses and have a strange dislike for goat and sheep cheeses. I toasted the peppercorns on a pan, grated the cheese, saved the pasta water to help the process of making the pasta creamy. The result was…underwhelming. I know it must have been me or substandard ingredients. However, the quest was the point, not the result. It would’ve been nice to have found a new pasta I could love, but hey, I did the thing.

The same goes for my #the100dayproject challenge that I decided to undertake. Every time I gather the day’s supplies to complete a project, I enjoy the process of making those choices. I love sitting in the quiet and putting pen or paint to paper. It’s soothing, and I feel pride when I complete the thing, even if it’s not quite as beautiful as I’d envisioned.

My daughter has a love for scented candles, in particular Bath & Bodyworks candles, and she hits every sale. It’s not just that she likes her home to smell good—she loves the quest to find a lovely candle. She loves the special candleholders and lids and collects those. I have lovely candles all over my desk because she shares her discoveries and finds joy in doing so.

I love, love, love sharing my love of film with the 16-year-old. We have similar taste. Right now, we’re watching True Detective: Night Country, and we’re watching one episode at a time rather than bingeing it because we’re savoring the journey together. We’ll finish before my surgery at the end of the month.

I’ve been feeling nostalgic for the TV shows I loved when I was a kid. Of course, I’ve been on a couple-year journey to watch every Star Trek series. I finished and plan to make another pass through it all this summer, in chronological order, just for the pure pleasure. I’ve been watching The Time Tunnel and Lost in Space.

So, that’s how I deliberately seek happiness. Every day I find it without looking for it, too. Sharing laughter with the family, enjoying the purr in my ear of the cat who likes to drape herself over my shoulder while I watch TV—so many unplanned moments, but I savor them.

So, for a chance to win a $5 Amazon gift card, tell me what brings you happiness.