True love. That mythical unicorn of emotion many swear doesn’t exist. And the rest of us? Constantly seeking, reading, hoping, validating the notion that one day we will either find it, or have already found it. Not to mention the constant prayer that some skanky home wrecking little bitch doesn’t try to pry it out of your cold, moist and clammy grasp. *grins cheerfully*
I believe in true love. Trust me, it’s easier NOT to believe, then I can justify settling for less. For a while I did. Years ago, when I was with my first serious relationship I thought I found it. I realize now a large part of it was him being my first, and he saw me thru some crazy shit and didn’t leave, and I know I’m not easy. In fact…the phrase two nuts short of a fruitcake often float around, but I ain’t saying who it’s about. It could be me. Perhaps. *stares at nails*
Mayhaps not. ANYwho…When reality set in, it’s obvious I confused lust with love. Haven’t we all done that once or twice? Or a million times…*sighs* I got used to sleeping with the same guy every night, or, in the illustrious words of that finer than a motherfucker Morris Chestnut from one of my all-time favorite movies, ‘The Best Man’ the way my pussy curved to his dick pretty much had a bitch thirsty as hell, lol. Brother could lay pipe, I will not lie. But was I in love? Nah. I was deep in lust. Sad thing is, I truly believe he loved me and would have probably made a decent enough husband too, but…I also know now that wouldn’t have been fair. I would’ve ended up hurting him, because in the end, I knew deep down from the very beginning, in that place where only you and god know the truth (praise jeebus) I couldn’t stay for the long haul.
And ps? Just because someone has been there from the beginning, or like in my case, has seen you though some dark times does not guarantee happily ever after. It just doesn’t. Brutal but honest. I remember reading how Janet Jackson and her husband Rene Elizondo were married 11 years, together even longer. And now they aren’t. For some reason I never thought they would break up. They just always….WERE, you know? Now, she is happily married to who I am guessing she really hopes is her soul mate. Here’s hoping, J. *holds up glass*
In all that time though, I’m sure she didn’t expect that Rene only wanted her for her money and in the end that’s what their break-up came down to. Moo-lah he wanted from her and sued her for. Mind you, we as outsiders can only speculate, but you get my point. It makes me wonder now what his agenda was all along. I hear so many celebrities say, he or she knew me when I was broke and didn’t have shit but you know what? A smart person, hell even an idiot can spot someone who’s got that “it,” or will soon get it, you know what I mean?
So what do they do? They invest in that person and stand by them, and then later when someone says you’re out for cheese, BOO YAH. Pull out that ace, baby. I knew you when you ain’t had shit, I can’t possibly have hidden agenda, right? Because gold diggers, after all are only hookers and hoes from the ghetto and from trailer parks and whatever else represents low-income and lack of class. Gotta love them stereotypes, folks. O_o
Now I know it’s not always true. Everyone is not always out for material gain, and it doesn’t mean that’s what happened to Janet and Rene, or anyone else, but bottom line? They weren’t soul mates, that much is clear. Familiarity and history does not necessarily true love make. It matters, but it should NOT be the only thing that sustains you. As I recall, familiarity often breeds contempt, but that’s another blog, eh? lol.
True love does exist. You can realize it ten years after knowing someone, or, god forbid, ten seconds. I don’t advise the latter, lol, but just because it hasn’t happened to me, doesn’t mean I won’t believe that magic and fairies don’t exist.
In my novella series, Give & Receive, this is the theme I think that drives the story. Lena, Danny and Ty really are caught in spider’s web of emotion. Hurt, anger, love, betrayal, heat, lust and downright lunacy just to name a few. She has to determine what she truly feels for both of these men, and they for her. Is it love? Is it just lust? Is she going to choose one, or risk everything and try to have them both? She’s what my one friend Moni luv calls a greedy bitch, so we’ll see how this all pans out.
So here’s my question to you guys. What IS true love? How do you define it? Is there truly only “one” true love? To me, it’s many things. It’s unconditional love. Your soul mate. Accepting all facets of a person. The dark side of a person and the skeletons that help define who they are. An extension of you. The sick feeling in your tummy you get wondering at any given moment what they’re doing, who they’re doing it with, or if they’re thinking of you and feeling the same way. You’re always anxious to see them, because when they’re not there, a piece of you is missing. It’s living a little inside of their skin and breathing them in. It’s a perfect line of coke. It’s euphoria. Explosive. Volatile. Carnal bliss.
Love is pain. It hurts. God it hurts. Like a jagged knife that repeats its tear across your insides. Dante’s 9th circle of hell. Anyone who tells you different is fucking lying their face off and you need to hit them in the eye with a bag of pork chops mixed with dirty, wet sweat socks. Repeatedly. And it’s important that they’re mixed up together. And dirty. Read the rest of this entry »