True love. That mythical unicorn of emotion many swear doesn’t exist. And the rest of us? Constantly seeking, reading, hoping, validating the notion that one day we will either find it, or have already found it. Not to mention the constant prayer that some skanky home wrecking little bitch doesn’t try to pry it out of your cold, moist and clammy grasp. *grins cheerfully*
I believe in true love. Trust me, it’s easier NOT to believe, then I can justify settling for less. For a while I did. Years ago, when I was with my first serious relationship I thought I found it. I realize now a large part of it was him being my first, and he saw me thru some crazy shit and didn’t leave, and I know I’m not easy. In fact…the phrase two nuts short of a fruitcake often float around, but I ain’t saying who it’s about. It could be me. Perhaps. *stares at nails*
Mayhaps not. ANYwho…When reality set in, it’s obvious I confused lust with love. Haven’t we all done that once or twice? Or a million times…*sighs* I got used to sleeping with the same guy every night, or, in the illustrious words of that finer than a motherfucker Morris Chestnut from one of my all-time favorite movies, ‘The Best Man’ the way my pussy curved to his dick pretty much had a bitch thirsty as hell, lol. Brother could lay pipe, I will not lie. But was I in love? Nah. I was deep in lust. Sad thing is, I truly believe he loved me and would have probably made a decent enough husband too, but…I also know now that wouldn’t have been fair. I would’ve ended up hurting him, because in the end, I knew deep down from the very beginning, in that place where only you and god know the truth (praise jeebus) I couldn’t stay for the long haul.
And ps? Just because someone has been there from the beginning, or like in my case, has seen you though some dark times does not guarantee happily ever after. It just doesn’t. Brutal but honest. I remember reading how Janet Jackson and her husband Rene Elizondo were married 11 years, together even longer. And now they aren’t. For some reason I never thought they would break up. They just always….WERE, you know? Now, she is happily married to who I am guessing she really hopes is her soul mate. Here’s hoping, J. *holds up glass*
In all that time though, I’m sure she didn’t expect that Rene only wanted her for her money and in the end that’s what their break-up came down to. Moo-lah he wanted from her and sued her for. Mind you, we as outsiders can only speculate, but you get my point. It makes me wonder now what his agenda was all along. I hear so many celebrities say, he or she knew me when I was broke and didn’t have shit but you know what? A smart person, hell even an idiot can spot someone who’s got that “it,” or will soon get it, you know what I mean?
So what do they do? They invest in that person and stand by them, and then later when someone says you’re out for cheese, BOO YAH. Pull out that ace, baby. I knew you when you ain’t had shit, I can’t possibly have hidden agenda, right? Because gold diggers, after all are only hookers and hoes from the ghetto and from trailer parks and whatever else represents low-income and lack of class. Gotta love them stereotypes, folks. O_o
Now I know it’s not always true. Everyone is not always out for material gain, and it doesn’t mean that’s what happened to Janet and Rene, or anyone else, but bottom line? They weren’t soul mates, that much is clear. Familiarity and history does not necessarily true love make. It matters, but it should NOT be the only thing that sustains you. As I recall, familiarity often breeds contempt, but that’s another blog, eh? lol.
True love does exist. You can realize it ten years after knowing someone, or, god forbid, ten seconds. I don’t advise the latter, lol, but just because it hasn’t happened to me, doesn’t mean I won’t believe that magic and fairies don’t exist.
In my novella series, Give & Receive, this is the theme I think that drives the story. Lena, Danny and Ty really are caught in spider’s web of emotion. Hurt, anger, love, betrayal, heat, lust and downright lunacy just to name a few. She has to determine what she truly feels for both of these men, and they for her. Is it love? Is it just lust? Is she going to choose one, or risk everything and try to have them both? She’s what my one friend Moni luv calls a greedy bitch, so we’ll see how this all pans out.
So here’s my question to you guys. What IS true love? How do you define it? Is there truly only “one” true love? To me, it’s many things. It’s unconditional love. Your soul mate. Accepting all facets of a person. The dark side of a person and the skeletons that help define who they are. An extension of you. The sick feeling in your tummy you get wondering at any given moment what they’re doing, who they’re doing it with, or if they’re thinking of you and feeling the same way. You’re always anxious to see them, because when they’re not there, a piece of you is missing. It’s living a little inside of their skin and breathing them in. It’s a perfect line of coke. It’s euphoria. Explosive. Volatile. Carnal bliss.
Love is pain. It hurts. God it hurts. Like a jagged knife that repeats its tear across your insides. Dante’s 9th circle of hell. Anyone who tells you different is fucking lying their face off and you need to hit them in the eye with a bag of pork chops mixed with dirty, wet sweat socks. Repeatedly. And it’s important that they’re mixed up together. And dirty.
Love is angry…so angry…like when you’re so pissed you want to wring their damn neck, then throw them up against the wall and fuck the shit outta them the next minute later. And speaking of fucking? True love knows it’s not always about candlelight, merlot and making love. Sometimes its gritty and savage. Rage. Beautiful in its raw, primal need. This person can be all those things…with you, and you with them. And it’s ok.
It’s knowing you’re finally home. It’s sittin’ on the front porch, watching the sun go down, sippin’ red kool-aid in a ghetto jelly jar. Gotta be ghetto, cuz ghetto love is so much more groovy, lol. It’s a rollercoaster with a million foot drop…and right now I feel a verse. Let me wax poetic momentarily:
it’s a tiny kiss beneath your left ear,
the urgency to keep them very, very near,
it’s a whispered breath on the small of your back,
it’s saying I love you, and hearing it back,
it’s soft and sweet,
it’s savage and rough,
it’s feeling like forever,
will never, ever be enough.
Damn. I…um. Need a drink. Cranberry vodka on ice? *holds up glasses* I’ll pour.
Give & Receive: An Erotic Romance Novella
What would you risk to get what you wanted?
For Ty, Lena and Danny, they’re about to find out as they cross the boundaries from all things safe to an arena that will test love, friendship and loyalty. An arena that’s forbidden, taboo. and oh so tempting. In their world sex, money and excess are all a game of give & receive, were any wish can be granted if you just ask…
Tyler Malone: Life as a rock star is anything but boring. Money, power and fame is an addictive drug I crave that gets me off…every time. Millions of adoring fans, willing to do anything just for me to glance their way. What’s not to love? All I ever wanted was the one who wouldn’t. She’s the one person I crave more than the life, more than the money and power. More than anything…
Danny Blake: Some smart-assed reporter nicknamed me the “The Dark Prince,” because I shun the limelight. I prefer being behind the scenes, always have. Fame is now a choke hold around my neck, a dark, lonely road that never seems to end. The one light in my life is her. The person who matters above everything else. At one time I thought we could be happy together, but I lost that chance when I married someone else…
Lena Roman: Owner of the infamously notorious nightclub Sadist, head of a massive PR empire; nothing “Queen Midas” touches doesn’t turn to gold. Fiercely passionate, loyal and headstrong, she is the woman who loves them both, with a fiery heat that’s all consuming. Choosing between her best friend and the one she stupidly allowed at one time to claim her heart wasn’t going to be easy…but she had to, right? You can’t love two people at once…
Lena bit down on the fleshy part of her lip as her mouth parted open in shock and…arousal.
She felt Ty’s breath intake behind her and she could feel his surprise. But surprise at what? That he said it, or that he said it to her?
Did he mean what she thought he meant?
She let the visual of Danny with his beautiful, sensuous, firm lips around a veined, massive cock permeate her mind, feeling her mouth go dry as she felt heat shoot straight from the top of her head to her toes.
So wrong on so many levels, but Lena didn’t care. She knew she should have never gone along with any of this but it was too late to stop now. She tried not to spend time worrying about what she should do anyway. This was what she wanted to do. She made a pact with herself a long time ago to only answer to Lena, and to always please herself first. No one else mattered.
And damned if she wasn’t going to indulge.
Tonight…just for tonight, she would play Ty’s game. No rules…no boundaries. Just pleasure. The fact that Ty was the one giving it to her was something she would obsess about later. And probably tell herself a million times over just how stupid she was for giving in.
She wasn’t as obtuse as he thought she was either. She was more than aware of the sweltering chemistry, blazing between them for years. He had a magnetism hard to resist, even for her. She knew, if given half an opportunity, he’d fuck her senseless, and she would like it.
Senseless fucking, was reserved for groupies and whores who had nothing to lose because they had lost their pride long ago. Which was precisely the reason she never gave in. Until now, of course. Hypocrite.
It would be much too easy to fall into that pattern with him and she wasn’t looking to fuck up what they had over something physical, no matter how tempting. She knew she would be wise to remember that.
All that, however, was before this moment. This time. This night.
Now everything was different.
And what the fuck was going on between him and Danny? Danny looked like he wanted to run his car over Ty backwards and forward, and Ty looked like he wanted to get a rise out of Danny and make him do just that. Meanwhile she was on edge, like a taut bow string needing plucked.
And yet, here they all were.
Ty’s mouth slid down her neck and she was jolted back to reality. As she pressed further back into him, the currently stiffening hardness of his obviously impressive cock jutted against her backside. She arched back and became lost in his touch as he lightly bit down on her shoulder, thinking of a hundred different things she wanted him to do to her.
Even more that she wanted to do to him. It was all in her head, wasn’t it? Her fantasy. So why couldn’t she enjoy? She could be anything she wanted. She was the star of the show. She loved the attention, loved the adulation. She wanted the pleasure.
She grabbed Ty’s glass Dion had refilled and drank from it, using her tongue to lick across exact area she had seen him drink from. Danny gaze was hooded as he watched her drag her tongue over the top once more before taking another drink. When her tongue flicked out to lick her lips, his hands dug into his thigh and she watched his knuckles become stretched and tight .
“I haven’t thought about performing in a long time.” She said, to no one in particular. “I used to enjoy it.”
“Oh yeah?” Ty’s hands were caressing either side of her legs, his hands inching further and further up her thighs. Her skirt started to ride up a little, exposing more of her damp, sweat-slickened, toffee-colored skin. Danny’s throat went dry as he continued to look, unable to tear his eyes away. She moved over Ty’s lap ever so slightly and Ty’s guttural, low groan vibrated against her skin.
She was the hottest thing Danny had ever seen.
“What did you like most?” Ty’s voice was raspy, heated. He couldn’t believe he was still coherent at this point, let alone form complete sentences. All he could think of was burying his face between her thighs and savoring and tasting the sweet nectar of her pussy. He wanted to lap up every bit of scorching wetness he was feeling through the fabric of his pants and wasn’t too sure how much longer he could play this game.
Thank god she designed the place with all of this in mind. It held a naturally dark, fantasy element, appealing to those who wanted to…indulge a little further, yet still maintain their privacy. Simply put, you didn’t see someone else doing anything unless they wanted to be seen.
He would bet money she never expected to be the main attraction.
“I love the way it made me feel. In control. Powerful. It was like…” She was breathless now and trailed off, becoming lost in Danny’s eyes again. They bored into her soul with a fiery intensity that both intimidated and terrified her. And the sensation of feeling Ty beneath her while Danny watched them was driving her crazy insane.
“Like what, baby…tell me what it was like.” Ty pressed her hips down on top of him and began to move slightly, sliding his hips in a rocking motion.
“It was like…riding a dick. Setting the pace. Controlling the flow. Oh god….Ty…what in hell are you doing to me?”
Ty slid his hands under her ass and unzipped his jeans, far enough so that beautiful, thick cock sprang free. He hitched up her skirt from the back so that she wasn’t exposed in the front and pulled her back down, almost all in one movement.
They were now flesh to flesh, skin to skin, with nothing separating them now but free will. He was, but mere inches from being fully sheathed inside of her.
“What am I doing?” Ty murmured, repeating her question, his lips against bare back as the strap of the skimpy top she wore was finally shoved aside. His lips blazed a path down her spine as he paused to lick the salty taste of her skin to his mouth.
“I’m making it good for you, sweetheart.” His hands finally slid under her skirt from behind and managed to part her thighs.
“Tell me if you want me to. I want to make it so good for you, baby…but you have to tell me. What do you want, Lena? Do you want me to touch you…like this?” Ty’s fingers lightly brushed over her clit and she gave a moan, from deep in her throat as she began to throb within her lower belly.
As Lena arched her back and closed her eyes, Ty caught Danny’s eyes again and arched an eyebrow, silently asking if he had been tortured enough.
Danny’s expression, the agonizing twist to his mouth, the flash of his strange, silvery grey eyes, spoke volumes. He couldn’t stop now.
He made a strangled noise, deep within his throat and it was all he could do not to reach out and touch her. Just once. But he didn’t dare. He knew if he did he wouldn’t be able to help himself from ripping her off of Ty, pinning her down and fucking her himself.
Part of him was so resentful and angry it wasn’t him beneath her. At first. But he managed to choke down the rage welling up inside his chest, because if he was beneath her, he couldn’t be there.
Right in front of her. Witnessing her pleasure firsthand. It was that part of him that wouldn’t trade with Ty for anything in the world. Ty could physically feel her, yes. Danny could see her, her face, her body….her soul.
He was beyond the jealousy now. Now, he just wanted to connect with her, in any way possible. Force her to see him, acknowledge that what was between them was real and not some fucked up figment of his imagination.
Ty couldn’t lie to himself, either. This was no longer just about proving a point to Danny. It was about doing what he had wanted to do for years.
Stepping up, to try and claim a piece of her heart.
That didn’t already belong to Danny.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CFAJQ2Q/ (Official Soundtrack Inspired By the Erotic Novella)