So, yesterday, I met with my oncologist. My daughter came with me because I’m still muzzy-headed and forget things. I’ve been extremely fatigued since my surgery, and I nap a lot. I was worried about the surgeon’s recommendation that I do another three rounds of chemo and how that would affect my summer and recovery. I’ll admit to being a little depressed at the idea.

My oncologist made a face when I mentioned what the other doctor said and shook his head. He said, you did amazingly well with the chemo, and the surgeon got all the diseased organs he could find. Yes, there was still microscopic evidence of disease in the parts he removed, but immunotherapy should help keep anything lingering in my body in check. He wants instead to give my body a chance to fully recover from the chemo and surgery. He’ll order scans in a month or two to make sure the cancer doesn’t come back, but we can do immunotherapy for a while, continue to scan, and if necessary, at a later date, reconsider more chemo. In the meantime, my job is to get healthy and feel well. I was enormously relieved. I will do whatever he tells me I should because we’ve already accomplished so much. I trust him.

At the end of our appointment, he asked, “Do you want to do an immunotherapy session today and get that knocked out? I won’t have to see you again for another month.” So, I sat in the chair for an hour with an IV running and did that. Usually, immunotherapy doesn’t affect how I feel all that much, but today, I feel nauseous and tired. I’m run down. I’ll pay attention to how I feel, rest when I need to, make myself putter to get myself moving, but yay—I won’t be losing my hair again. Right now, it’s super short and mostly silver. I look like Judy Dench. My dd has been working on getting the pool ready for me. If she gets it pretty and blue, I should be swimming by mid-May. That will be a huge boost to my happiness.

Anyway, that’s the report. At some point, I might talk about things that were helpful to me during this journey that might be helpful to others. But right now, I have work to do and naps to take. I’m just so happy and relieved that I have more time with my family and time to be me. In May, I hope to return to my art guild meetings. We’re having a decoupage mini-workshop in May, and I want to be well enough to attend and participate. In the meantime, I’ll edit and paint and poke my head in the door here to say hello.

Word Search

Summer is my favorite time of year, and yes, it all revolves around the pool. It gets hot as hell in Arkansas, but we enjoy our summers. We hit the pool, we barbecue, use the smoker and the blackstone beside the pool to cook wonderful meals. We have movie nights, including a few that we watch with an outdoor projector when the mosquitoes aren’t quite so bad. I love being outside to watch the chickens who escape their pen and peck around the yard. The goats and geese are fun to watch as well. We fill bird feeders and watch the variety that come to our property, along with the deer and foxes who come to our pond. Of course, there are trips to the flea markets. I can’t wait to have the kids home. Their noise—the music and laughter—really picks me up.

For a chance to win a $5 Amazon gift card, tell me what you look forward to this summer (or winter, if you’re down under!).

Well, I met with my surgeon yesterday.

From his POV, everything is going swimmingly. Even the UTI, with the gloriously named cause (Morganella Morganii), is responding well to the antibiotics. He renewed that prescription for an additional week just to make sure we wipe it out.

As to the results of my surgery…

Again, he stated he’d taken out everything he could visually detect. My body bits were sent to a lab, and they did find microscopic evidence the cancer was still alive. Not unexpected. He saw some in the omentum, which they fully removed, some in my uterus (also gone).

His recommendation to my oncologist will be that since I did so well with chemo, knocking it back so much, and my body appeared to tolerate it, that he would like to see me undergo three more rounds of chemo before I go back on immunotherapy maintenance.

Today, I’ll set up an appointment to see my oncologist to discuss what happens next.

I really, really didn’t want to hear that I’d be going back on chemo. It’s painful, it drags me down, and I just started regrowing my hair (I know, that’s not important, but…).

Three rounds would put me through the end of summer, which will really hit my pool time hard, and I’ve been holding onto dreams of floating in the pool with a margarita in my hand to keep myself feeling upbeat. So, yeah, today, I’m a little down.

I’ll allow myself a day to feel sorry for myself. But I’m determined to “graduate” from sleeping in my lift chair to resting in an actual bed this weekend—even if it’s not my own just yet. My dd wants to be nearby in case I run into trouble in the middle of the night, so I’ll accede to her wishes. She’s been an absolute gem, and I don’t want to make her work harder.

All my plans for what I’d hoped to accomplish this summer have to be reviewed. I’m sure I can keep busy with editing, but writing…? Good Lord. Am I even still a writer if I’m not writing? That sounded like a distinct whine.

Anyway, I plan to run a contest tomorrow and catch up on some that already posted because it’s time to wrap them up. I hope to get back to regularly posting very, very soon.

In the meantime, hello from me. I hope you are all doing well. I’d love to hear your plans for the coming summer/winter, depending on where you are in the world. ~DD

So, I’m poking my head in the door. It doesn’t mean I’m back to my daily routine just yet, but I thought I’d let you know how things are going. I’ve shared (over-shared, I’m sure!) about my cancer journey so far, and I don’t intend to change that. The emails from online friends out there who have loved ones or who have or are going down this road have been moving.

Anyways, back to the subject.

I had surgery on April 1st. April Fool’s Day. My old wedding anniversary. My ex-hubby laughed at the date and said, “Ah then, everything is going to be fine, because we didn’t turn out so bad.” I have to agree, as odd as that sounds I’m sure to some of you since we’re divorced, but we’re still great friends, still sharing phone calls and birthday wishes. April 1st is a lucky day for me.

The doctor had thought he’d be taking out more than he did. First, he went after the omentum—it’s an apron of tissue that protects your internal organs. When he eye-balled it, he saw no living cancer on it although the omentum had lit up like a Christmas tree on my first PET scan all those months ago. Then he removed all my girlie parts, noting that he saw very little remaining cancer there. Mostly just slimy bits of dead remnants of cancer (I’m interpreting his notes, maybe embellishing a bit—can’t help myself).

He was going to take my lymph nodes down there. But other than some dead slime (more embellishment), he found them pink and healthy-looking so did not remove them. He hunted around my liver, gallbladder, intenstines, etc. He had said he’d remove anything he found infected (if he could), but found nothing else of concern. When he spoke with me later that afternoon, he told me my chemo had done an excellent job of knocking back the cancer. He was pretty sure he’d gotten everything he could.

Are you wondering why I included a picture of a zipper at the start of this post? Well, they closed with a long line of staples (27 in all) and my belly looked like they installed a zipper in it. (My attempt at humor.)

My sister, Elle James, stayed with me in the hospital for the two days and nights that followed.  She was a huge help. You need an advocate, someone to stomp down the hall to ask for pain meds. BTW, Dilaudid is fabulous. Opioids definitely have their place. It hits fast and only lingers a couple of hours, but when you need something fast… In a hospital setting… Mm-hmm. Highly recommend.

I went home on Wednesday with a soft pillow clutched against my sore belly and one last dose of Dilaudid to hold me until I got home an hour away.

Sis left soon after. Storms were brewing, and she still had a four-hour drive. Then I was left in my daughter’s gentle care.

When I’d been away, my SIL moved the reclining lift chair he’d purchased for me from my living area to the living room. Now, every time I need to get to my feet to move around (exercise is key to recovery), the chair stands me on my feet with little to no intervention from anyone and no straining of my belly. As the days have passed, that’s been very important to my independence.

Everything was moving along well. I was convinced I was going to have the easiest recovery known to womankind, but then…my temperature started climbing and my wee-wee-hole (no, that’s not the technical term, so don’t quote me) began to hurt. In fact, my entire pelvic floor area began to ache every time I attempted to relieve myself. I suspected a UTI and Dr. Google agreed, so I called my surgeon’s office and asked if I could have the urine sample taken at my local doctor’s office rather than head back to the city to pee into a bottle). He approved, and I was quickly put on antibiotics for a UTI. Not just any UTI, but one caused by an emerging super-bug with a very pretty name: Morganella Morganii. M. morganii turned my pee into the most brilliantly colored sunset orange I’ve ever seen. You know I’m going to be mixing colors to try to match it—Indian yellow, cadmium red, a touch of magenta or fuchsia…

I was headed to the surgeon’s office the next day (last Thursday) anyway, where an RN with the nickname of Buffy (it was just meant to be), removed all my staples. It wasn’t supposed to hurt, but maybe I’m just a big baby. 27 little needle-y pinches took my breath away.

I’m finally able to sit up for longer periods in my chair. I’m taking naps during the day on a bed with many pillows. My daughter has to help me up, but she was CNA-trained, so she knows how to get me up without causing any pain at all. My discomfort from my UTI is fading. My temperature is back to normal.

This coming Thursday, I’ll be back in Little Rock to see my surgeon. He’ll let me know his official findings and hopefully let me know when he recommends I continue my immunotherapy. (And more importantly to me—when I can jump into the swimming pool.) This journey isn’t over, but so far, I’m tolerating the treatments.

And that’s all I’ve got. I hope everyone out there is feeling well, loving the changing seasons. I didn’t even mention the huge flood we had right after I got home from the hospital, but yeah, the local river rose its highest since 1969. We were cut off from town for a couple of days there. Life’s just so interesting like that.

This picture was taken just down the hill from where we live and over a mile from the river.

UPDATE: The winner is…Dana Zamora!
*~*~*

March

Work-related:

1. I didn’t write a single word in all of March. I really didn’t intend to. I had too much on my mind.
2. I completed 5 editing projects for other authors in March!

Health-related:

1. I had an immunotherapy appointment. Such a breeze after chemo!
2. Otherwise, I pushed my health and my stats completely out of my mind. I didn’t need the stress!

Happiness-related: 

1. I attended my art guild’s meeting this month for a Show & Tell of what we’ve all been working on. It was really nice!
2. I painted every day until this last week as part of #the100dayproject. Here are a few small pieces I completed:

April

1. To complete 1 or 2 editing projects in April, but not beginning them until mid-month to give myself time to recover.

For health-related, I plan:

1. To undergo a radical hysterectomy, plus a couple of other organs on the 1st!
2. To undergo immunotherapy whenever my oncologist says I’m ready for more.
3. To rest and recover!

For happiness-related, I plan: 

1. To spend time with the family while I recover from surgery. I’ll be in the living room in a lift chair for quite a while. I’ll be impossible to ignore. LOL.
2. To continue the #100dayproject when I’m ready.

Contest

Comment on anything you’ve read in this post. Tell me what you’re doing to make yourself happier and healthier, or tell me what you plan to read in April…

Like I said, comment on anything for a chance to win a $5 Amazon gift card!

See you later!

I won’t be posting again until I feel well enough to do so. I do have some guests lined up to post while I’m away. Please be sure to stop in and tell them hello and thank them for picking up the slack for me! Until then, I hope you all stay safe and find happiness in all the little things. Love, DD

Report Card

Last week…

1. I worked my butt off on two editing projects I have to complete before my surgery on Tuesday! I’m almost there. I hope to finish both today!
2. I worked on getting caught up on some administrivia to get ready for my upcoming surgery and recovery.
3. I paused the #100daychallenge. I’ll resume the challenge when I’ve recovered enough to want to sit and paint. I’m hoping that will be mid-April, but I might be dreaming.
4. I went flea-market shopping with the girls. It’s a small thing, but something we all love to do. We like finding our random treasures. I found a white enamel covered box, rectangular, and I have no clue how I’ll use it just yet, but I love enamel, so I had to have it. When I’m recovered, I’ll figure out where it “belongs.”

This next week…

1. I will complete two sets of author’s edits today (I hope). One author still owes me her last pages (You know who you are! LOL)!
2. I have more administrative things to do today and tomorrow morning to “get my affairs in order” before surgery.
3. I need to make sure all my passwords still work on my phone and laptop because I won’t be going near my desktop for a month!
4. I have to pay all the monthly bills tomorrow so that won’t be lingering over my head as I recover.
5. Tuesday is the big day! All my girlie parts, plus a few others, are going bye-bye-bye!

Open Contests

Be sure to check out these posts and enter to win the prizes that are still up for grabs:

1. 1. Gabbi Grey: How I figure out what comes next! (FREE Read + Contest) — Last day to enter! Get your FREE read, plus enter to win another FREE story!
   2. Get your FREE read! WITH HIS ROCK BAND! — This offer ends Tuesday! Pick up your FREE read. This is a limited time offer!
   3. Saturday Puzzle-Contest: Welcome Spring! — Win an Amazon gift card!
   4. Anna Taylor Sweringen/Michal Scott: Eliza Potter — Hairdresser, Social Critic, and Myth Buster (Contest) — Win an Amazon gift card!
   5. Word Search: Favorite Book Hero Jobs (Contest) — Win an Amazon gift card!
   6. Tell Me a Story… (Contest) — Win an Amazon gift card!
   7. Saturday Puzzle-Contest — Favorite Fast Food — Win an Amazon gift card!

Just a quick note. I’ll go into surgery sometime on Tuesday. I’ll have guests on the blog, but there won’t be daily posts until I feel well enough to sit at my desk, so closing out current contests may lag. Also, I won’t be here to share my guests’ posts. If you can, please share them on your social media to help get out the word for them.  

I have a huge To Do list that I keep trimming because I’m running out of time to do everything I thought I needed to get out of the way before my surgery next Tuesday.

My surgery is scheduled for some time on Tuesday. They’ll call the day before and let me know when. My sister, Elle James, has already volunteered to take me to Little Rock the day before. We’ll hole up in a hotel near the hospital, then she’ll be with me there for the duration of my stay. My lovely daughter will come for the surgery but has to head home afterward because…kids and animals. If all goes well, I’ll be there for two nights, then I’ll be sent home.

She’s having my lift chair moved to the living room while I’m gone because I won’t be able to go up and down stairs for about six weeks. I’ll be “installed” in the living room, which will be annoying for them, but I expect I’ll sleep a lot. I’ll be in the chair because my daughter, who had a hysterectomy years ago, says I won’t be able to comfortably get in and out of bed. She has it all planned out how she’s going to care for me. I hate that I’ll need that kind of help, to and from the bathroom, getting up to walk, etc. I know I’m going to be miserable, and a lot of things will fall by the wayside while I recover. Google says I won’t be able to swim for six weeks, and she just smiles and says I probably won’t feel like it anyway, but I hope to prove her wrong. Full recovery will take about six months.

I’ll be stranded away from my desktop for six weeks. Which means, I’ll be using my laptop, which I don’t love. I’m not sure how that will work. Likely, she’ll have to find some sort of desk/tray thing to place over my chair so I can reach the keys. How soon I’ll be back online is a huge question. I do have some guest authors’ posts to pre-post so this website won’t be completely dead. I’ll ask you all to support them, and me, by sharing their posts online. You won’t mind that, right?

I figure I’ll be back to editing in a couple of weeks—in short spurts. Lots of rest in between. The kids will watch movies with me so I don’t go stir-crazy. I think I’ll like their noise and commotion, the sounds of living, being around me upstairs.

Am I scared? It’s odd. I’m not. I know a million things can go wrong, but hey, I’ve made it this far, and this journey has been surprising. I’ve come farther than I could have hoped at the start last August. I hope I fly through surgery, that I avoid any major infection. The worst I will let myself consider is dealing with the discomfort and pain. I can do that. I already have experienced some of that. I’m feeling positive and making plans for the future. When they put my under, I’ll hold to an image of me floating in my pool with the sunshine beating down on me—my favorite place and activity in the world.

UPDATE: The winner is…Jennifer Beyer!
*~*~*

I strive every day to find happiness. It can be little or big things. Given what I’ve been facing (my cancer journey), it sometimes is hard. But I don’t allow myself to wallow in sadness or negativity. I make a choice every day when I wake up to find happiness.

For me, I find happiness in little, everyday things. I love a good meal. I’ve been on a quest since last August to find pasta recipes that appeal to me so that I can experiment with making them at home. I’m not much of a cook, and I know my daughter doesn’t have time to do it for me, but the search and the process of trying out these recipes has given me joy. Recently, I watched an Italian chef make Cacio e Pepe, so I thought, that looks yummy and easy. Are the ingredients available locally? I couldn’t find the special, fat spaghettoni you need (he said the fatter surface of the noodles makes the sauce cling better), so I ordered a package from Amazon. The special sheep cheese, Pecorino, wasn’t at my local Walmart, so again, I went back on the internet to get it.

When everything arrived, I made it for myself because my daughter and her girls don’t like a wide variety of cheeses and have a strange dislike for goat and sheep cheeses. I toasted the peppercorns on a pan, grated the cheese, saved the pasta water to help the process of making the pasta creamy. The result was…underwhelming. I know it must have been me or substandard ingredients. However, the quest was the point, not the result. It would’ve been nice to have found a new pasta I could love, but hey, I did the thing.

The same goes for my #the100dayproject challenge that I decided to undertake. Every time I gather the day’s supplies to complete a project, I enjoy the process of making those choices. I love sitting in the quiet and putting pen or paint to paper. It’s soothing, and I feel pride when I complete the thing, even if it’s not quite as beautiful as I’d envisioned.

My daughter has a love for scented candles, in particular Bath & Bodyworks candles, and she hits every sale. It’s not just that she likes her home to smell good—she loves the quest to find a lovely candle. She loves the special candleholders and lids and collects those. I have lovely candles all over my desk because she shares her discoveries and finds joy in doing so.

I love, love, love sharing my love of film with the 16-year-old. We have similar taste. Right now, we’re watching True Detective: Night Country, and we’re watching one episode at a time rather than bingeing it because we’re savoring the journey together. We’ll finish before my surgery at the end of the month.

I’ve been feeling nostalgic for the TV shows I loved when I was a kid. Of course, I’ve been on a couple-year journey to watch every Star Trek series. I finished and plan to make another pass through it all this summer, in chronological order, just for the pure pleasure. I’ve been watching The Time Tunnel and Lost in Space.

So, that’s how I deliberately seek happiness. Every day I find it without looking for it, too. Sharing laughter with the family, enjoying the purr in my ear of the cat who likes to drape herself over my shoulder while I watch TV—so many unplanned moments, but I savor them.

So, for a chance to win a $5 Amazon gift card, tell me what brings you happiness.