Oh dear! When did reading become a source for shaming? There are so many vices in the world that could cause a person to be embarrassed, but I didn’t think reading would be one of them. And no, I’m not talking about the reading materials that come wrapped in black plastic, have parts of images blurred, or come with a parental warning label. (I’m not excluding those, either, cos you do you, boo. There’s room for everyone.) No, I’m speaking of any and all books regardless of genre, content, or reading level.
Some time ago, a colleague had a similar incident, and I may have blogged about it. I can’t remember. Honestly, I thought it was a one-off spoken by a not-so-great person, but here we are again—guilt-shaming for reading. Now, I’m wondering what is really going on. Here’s what happened. Warning: This involves the messiness of a relationship and obviously a literacy hater.
A female friend who most would consider an extrovert began a semi-romantic relationship with an introverted older man. Yes, the statement is already problematic. Let me clarify. The female, Jane (not her real name, but why not refer to her by the name of a writing pioneer, Jane Austen?), met Edmond (as in Edmond Dantès before he assumed the alias of the Count of Monte Cristo—you know, because Edmond couldn’t read). The “relationship” hadn’t advanced as far as “dating,” although Edmond had made it clear that he wanted it to. However, due to conflicting schedules, the two hadn’t been able to make that happen. They’d had to settle for mostly phone conversations and texting.
Whether Jane is truly an extrovert is questionable. She has a job that requires her to behave as one, and an intellect that allows her to intelligently speak on many topics. She can be quite garrulous. However, in her downtime, she can be quiet and enjoy alone time. People who do not know her well often only see the social side of her, and when she’s quiet, they assume she’s upset about something. One outstanding characteristic Jane possesses is that she can carry on a conversation. She’s the type of person you invite to a dinner party to prevent awkward silences. She has a way of making people feel comfortable. Again, this is part of her job. Likely, it was this characteristic, along with her bedroom voice and sarcastic sense of humor, that drew Edmond to her.
Edmond, a retiree, spent his days caring for his elderly mother until she passed away. Understandably, this left a large void in his life, especially since he lived with her. He spends his days doing mostly nothing. He runs the normal errands (grocery shopping, washing the car, finding people to do repairs and lawn work around the home, paying utility bills, etc.) Reportedly, he has no hobbies and has a somewhat rocky relationship with the majority of his family. He also gives exudes Eddie Haskell vibes—always seeking a shortcut or scheming while trying to appear innocent. He’s a master of throwing boulders and concealing his callused hands.
So, enough background.
The trouble began after Jane completed a project she’d been working on in her spare time after her nine-to-five for over a year. The project didn’t go exactly as planned, and Jane was highly disappointed. Edmond wasn’t supportive. In fact, he behaved (in my opinion) as if he were happy about it. Although this is purely speculation, the circumstantial evidence is as follows.
First, Edmond never appeared to take a genuine interest in Jane’s project. Despite not being able to share specifics about the project due to contractual obligations, Jane shared what she could. Often, Edmond would interrupt or shut her down by abruptly changing the conversation. In my opinion, this demonstrated Edmond’s disinterest in the project.
Second, the project made demands on Jane’s time, which meant less time Jane had to spend with Edmond. While I’ll admit his wanting to spend more time with her is understandable, it’s also childish to a certain degree. Most people who want to become attorneys have to dedicate long hours to studying and attending classes. Few just walk up to the bar association without any preparation or formal training, take the bar examination, and pass it. As an adult, he should have recognized that it would take time. It wasn’t like she was partying in bars or running all over town with friends. He knew exactly where she was and that she was working as quickly as she could.
Three, Jane had a goal with her project, and she had effectively communicated that goal to Edmond. He’d informed her that he understood, but he never exhibited any support for her pursuing her goal. Towards the conclusion, when the deadline was approaching, Edmond complained that Jane was too focused. He would interrupt her while she was working and sulk or attempt to begin an argument. If she complained because a part of the project had not gone as planned, he was the first to encourage her to quit. He even went as far as telling her that she wasn’t mentally strong enough to handle the pressures of the project.
After the failed project, Jane was in the dumps, and Edmond carried on as if nothing had happened. Mind you, this project had been a lifelong dream, and watching a dream die can be excruciatingly painful. Jane’s confidence in herself was severely shaken, especially since she didn’t have a definitive answer for why the project failed. She had major choices to make about her life and future. Should she try again, try something different, or give up? Eventually, she decided she needed a break—a pause to regroup. And since the world around her seemed terrible, she sought to escape in books.
Jane is a prolific reader, and she decided to expand her reading experience by trying new genres. And guess what. It worked in bringing her out of her glumness. She was shocked that she had discovered a new love, and she wanted to share it. Initially, she asked Edmond to buddy read. After a few weeks of hum-hawing and ho-humming, he brushed her off without manning up and giving her a direct answer. He came up with excuses of being busy, pretended he’d forgotten, or went to his famous go-to of changing the subject. He questioned by she enjoyed reading and insinuated that she read too much.
Then, one day, Jane mentioned finding someone else to be her reading buddy, and you’d think she threw a dart in his eyeball. He accused her of…well, I’m not sure what exactly. However, whatever it was, he made it to be her fault and that she was somehow belittling him. He made her love of reading all about him. When she explained that she wanted to discuss the books she read with someone, he told her she could discuss them with him.
And here is where it becomes twisted.
Previously, when Jane had talked about her current reads with Edmond, he’d not paid attention or changed the subject. More often than not, he’d interrupt. He’d complain that Jane was too long-winded and want her to jump to the ending. When she did, he wouldn’t understand and have questions—the same questions Jane would have answered had he not interrupted her. She’d try to explain, but eventually, the story would become jumbled and hard to follow for someone who hadn’t read it. Jane pointed this out to Edmond and stopped telling him about her current reads. But this led to another issue.
Edmond had made several statements that he wasn’t interested in hearing about Jane’s nine-to-five. He became jealous if she talked about her friends, especially her male platonic friends. He wasn’t familiar with current events and didn’t follow sports. Politics were taboo. But remember, he was an introvert and didn’t work. He expected Jane to begin and maintain all conversations. However, when Jane inquired about his day, he’d make a few short statements, often brief with not much to elaborate on.
Jane eventually grew quiet. And then came the accusatory questions. “What’s the matter?” “Why are you upset?” “Is there something you’re not telling me?” “There has to be something wrong. You’re not quiet for no reason?”
After some time attempting to nonconfrontationally navigate the situation, Jane confessed that she felt as if she was talking to herself and that the relationship was deteriorating. Edmond sulked but promised he would do better. He didn’t. What he did was after he went through his uneventful day, he would ask Jane about her current read. He’d remain quiet while she talked. Admittedly, this was an improvement from the interruption. However, he still seemed bored, and Jane knew he wasn’t understanding some of the more complicated plots, despite laughing when she had laughed.
Then, it really hit the fan.
A book Jane preordered and waited for months was finally released. Excited, she devoured the book in a single day. (Prolific reader.) In her words, “It was soooooooo guuuud!” And like many book lovers, she wanted to discuss it because “I have thoughts.” But when Edmond asked her about it, she didn’t want to talk about it with him. Why? Because with him, it wouldn’t have been a discussion. A discussion would involve a back-and-forth dialogue. What Edmond offered was a lecture situation, where she would do all the talking and he would half pay attention. If she was lucky, he might have paid attention long enough to regurgitate a comment. When she refused to talk about the book, he began hounding her as to why she wouldn’t. Eventually, she explained, and he fell off the deep end.
Here’s what amazed me when I was enlightened on the conversation. He was insulted because she read books. Yes, you heard it here, folks. He couldn’t understand why anyone would want to discuss a book. In fact, he took the stance that only she wanted to talk about books and “normal” people didn’t. He also stated that his “listening” was a “discussion” and that Jane was being an elitist (he didn’t use that term, probably because he doesn’t know it) for refusing. He said she thought she was better than him…all because she reads. He made her feel bad because she wanted to share her love of books.
Back in the day (and I mean way back before the printing press), books were expensive and rare. Not all people were given the right to read, and had to learn in secret. Now, there are so many opportunities to read (many for free), and people choose not. Reading has gone from being a privilege, to a right, to a necessity, to a four-letter word. Make it make sense.
One of the reasons Jane is a wonderful conversationalist is due to reading. She’s learned a lot from books and has developed an expansive vocabulary. She’s able to speak intelligently about many topics because of what she’s read. She’s creative and isn’t afraid to think outside of the box. She can relate and empathize with people who are vastly different from her. She’s the wiz at Trivia Pursuit on game night and the “expert” her coworkers seek when there’s a sticky situation. She is flexible and divergent in her thinking.
The true irony is Edmond insists he likes Jane for her personality. Jane’s personality was partly shaped by reading and books. Yet, he shames her for reading.
Do you know anyone like this? Have you ever heard of this type of situation? Have you ever experienced this type of read-shaming? What do you think about Edmond? What do you think about Jane? Let me know your thoughts and opinions in the comments below.
Demon Rodeo
If Brokeback Mountain, 8 Seconds, Poltergeist, and Supernatural had an orgy, Demon Rodeo would be the lovechild.
Demon Rodeo is available now on Amazon. For video book trailers, visit my TikTok page. The full blurb is on my Instagram and Amazon.
Demon Rodeo is the first book in the Chasing the Buckle series but can be read as a standalone. It’s a friends-to-lovers romance set in the rodeo world. These are not your typical cowboys. It’s a widely diverse cast of characters and a mashup of genres that aren’t always seen together. If you’re looking for a palate cleanser, this may be a book for you.
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Until next time, happy reading and much romance. Laissez le bon temps rouler.
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LOCKER ROOM LOVE
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- Out of the Penalty Box (book #1) One minute in the box or a lifetime out.
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About the Author
Hi, I’m Genevive, and I am a contemporary sports romance author. My home is in South Louisiana. If you like snark and giggles with a touch of steamy Cajun and Creole on the side, I may have your poison in my stash of books. Drop by the bayou and have a look around. The pirogues are always waiting for new visitors.
Overshare time. Last week, I had an infusion of new chemicals that are part of the new treatment I’m getting to battle my cancer. On Tuesday, I received the second part, a package of pills that arrived in a hazardous materials bag with instructions about how to handle the new Lenvima pills I have to take daily. The instructions include closing the toilet lid before I double-flush. Washing my hands after handling the pills. I talked to the pharmacy that FedEx’d the pills to me to review my current meds and supplements to make sure nothing will interact negatively.
